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My partner and i are engaged. I love him completly but i do find it hard at times when im the worst person in the world. Sometimes i worry that im making the wrong decision

Hi Sunshine_92,  

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to the group, I can relate feeling hesitant about getting married, for me it was my e wife's emotional immaturity, I asked myself if she was going to grow out of it. How long have you been together? How long have you been engaged? Is this the first marriage for both of you?

Thankyou:). We have been together for a couple of years but have known each other for 8. Its the first time for us and have decided to wait a bit untill we are both more financially secure. Its quite recent that he proposed and i guess a lot of the reason im nervous is because its a big step forward along with the bit of extra baggage that is BPD.

My mum and dad have the most lovely marriage and i think i try to compare sometimes which i no is a bit unrealistic as everyone is diff.

I know he loves me and doesnt mean to hurt me intentionally but sometimes i think he cud do more to help himself which frustrates me. He can be quite sporatic in terms of taking meds at times as it makes him extremly drowsy which he cant be for work, when hes off them for a bit his moods go downhill and he gets anxious. Ive tried to encourage him to talk to his doc about changin but frm wht i gather they all do the same thing. Iv also tried to encourage him to exercise but he got pissed off at the suggestion as i went the wrong way about saying it, so i havent brought up since. If something has triggered him and hes on this down he then thinks alcohol is the answer to forget, which can lead to arguements.

I will say that he has improved a lot at handling his moods since we have been together and noticing when somethings triggering him but his downfall is tht he can still turn to alcohol. If im not with him whn hes in this frame of mind i worry that he will do something stupid.

I wish i could do more to help him.