BPDFamily.com

Actually my second post of my first ever day here. Must like it haha.
I was sitting here thinking how much it annoys me that my mother seens to emotionally abuse me more and my brother seems to not only escape her wrath but benefits from it and uses it.
He often engages in her conflicts but never walks away they can engage in nosy arguments for hours but aggressively defend each other.
They are very codependent and I feel he treats me like the enemy so they are closer and it works for her.
Except I am burdened with all the responsibility and guilt when thinks mess up for them both?
How can I learn to stop contributing to this cycle?

Welcome kitty1:      

I'm sorry to hear you are having problems with your mother and brother.  Have they both been diagnosed with BPD?  Are either of them getting any treatment?

 
In what way are they codependent? 

Can you give an example of a recent situation?

This is a safe place to share.  If you are able to share some examples, we can better point you to some specific lessons.    In the meantime, you might want to browse around and click on some links to workshops and information.  There is a "Lessons" thread tacked to the top of this message board and there is a large green band at the top of this page, with a "Tools" menu.  These are good areas to find helpful information.

I look forward to hearing more of your story.   

My mother yes brother no. My mother REFUSES any kind of therapy treatment- she doesn’t really acknowledge she has any problems whatsoever.

Yesterday my mother was moving house. My brother still lives with her but he is only 20 and a student so this is not that unusual- so I do not know if co-dependent was the correct word I was looking for.
But she harassed me into staying home from work to help her move because she told me my brother couldn’t
I went over and my brother was already there. We get on fine whenever my mother is not there but I try to avoid them together.
He was moving a washing machine down some stairs with his friend and he was struggling. So I helped. I am not a petite girl I am a football player and I frequent the gym.
So picture it I am trapped holding on to this machine if I let go it will drop.
And the whole time he just abuses me and tells me how unnecessary I am.
“Omg you are so useless”
“You are an idiot”
“why can you not do this right”
So I go back in the house muttering once the machine is in the van.
My brother follows and says
Bro: “Why are you even here we don’t need you?”
Me: “Mum asked me to help”
Bro: “Well I do not need you why don’t you just go home, you are an idiot”
Me: “Mum tell him you asked me to help, I took the day off for this”
Mum: “Stop aggravating your brother”
So I left. Later she complained to my partner that she is sick of us competing for her attention all the time.
This morning she called and berated me for not staying to help because my brother was too tired to move everything on my own I shouldn’t have done that to him.