BPDFamily.com

I am looking for advice on what to do, I have recently come to realize that my husband has BPD, his uncontrolled rages and manipulation lead me to realize this. I have two small children one of them is 2 years old and the other is 4 months old. About a month ago, before I realized that he had BPD, I moved out temporarily because I needed my husband to understand that I would no longer put up with the screaming, cussing, and name calling when he is in a rage. He failed to follow this boundary even after we discussed it with a counselor. I have a fear that these rages may become violent, although he has never hit me before. For safety I have not wanted to return because he still doesn't have control over moments when rage overcomes him. My concern is that living apart creates a false narrative in his head where he forgets my compassion and love for him. Should the children and I move home to help him overcome his fear of abandonment and help remember we love him? How do I respond when and if he breaks this boundary of screaming, cussing and name calling?

Asserting a boundary then breaking it communicates,  implicitly,  that you aren't serious about it,  which may communicate that is ok fire the other party to break the boundary.

You did what you did in order to feel safe,  both you and the children. If it hasn't escalated to physical violence,  I sense that this fear is in the back of your mind,  yes? Trust your gut. It's not wrong to fall on the side of safety.

Have you shared these thoughts with the counselor?

I agree with Turkish. There are ways, other than living under the same roof with someone, to show that you love that person and have not abandoned him.

What is the communication between the two of you like when he is not raging? Do you make time to see and spend time with one another?