BPDFamily.com

My husband and I have split up after being together for 17 years. We had our 1st child last year and I finally had a wake up call and just couldn't take the cycle of abuse anymore. I moved out, and his behavior has gotten much worse and has become scary. We have been separated for 4 months and I am starting to wonder if it us even possible for him to get better and for us to be back together. He has called my friends telling them I have cheated (hasn't happened), lied about going to group therapy, and is calling family to spy on me. Is there any hope that this can be salvaged? I do love him but I can't take the abuse anymore.

I'm so sorry you are at this place. I too have been married 17 years to a spouse I know has BPD (but undiagnosed and he would not admit), 6 of which we have been living separately and until recently I thought he would change and maybe there was hope it would get better. It hasn't, instead it has gotten worse with the rage, accusations and overall abuse. Just reading your brief description of what your spouse does-do you think it can get better? If you feel safe and have people who support you, take some time to think if you want to live in that way. Have you read Stop walking on eggshells?

*welcome*

I'm sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other. You will get good ideas and support here if you continue to read and post. Mostly we are all here because someone in our lives has behaviors that are characteristic of BPD.  They haven't all been diagnosed with BPD, but it's the behaviors, and how we deal with them, that are important.

Things can change, but we have to be willing to do the work to change them. Well, at least start the process. It only takes one person to change the dynamics of a relationship. Does this guarantee a happy, sustainable, loving relationship? Unfortunately, no. What it does though is give things a better shot at becoming that way.

There are some basic tools and lessons in the sidebar to the right of this page that can help you make changes. They are worth a read and can help to improve all relationships in your world if you take them to heart and put them to good use. If you can tell us how you think that we can best support you, I'm sure that we'll do what we can.

Reading the posts of others can help you see that you're not alone in what you are experiencing. When you feel comfortable, it also helps to respond to them. This helps everyone learn and grow more and faster.

Learn all you can about BPD. In addition to the tools mentioned earlier, there are workshops on the boards that give some good practical pointers on how to deal with communication, rages, etc.  The articles are also very informative.

I look forward to reading more of your story and progress.