BPDFamily.com

I am finally taking a step toward helping myself-so much of the past 6 years (of separation after 17 years of marriage) has been trying to work on and around a partnerwBPD's feelings and chaos. The cycle of his anger/rages and outbursts has gotten to a breaking point over the last few months-before I thought I could handle it and had slowly isolated myself for many different reasons (to hide the abuse, to calm the rage, to deny it was so bad). Although long overdue, I am starting to see my own therapist (encouraged by a marriage counselor we had seen together for about 1 1/2 who I contacted individually for some guidance). I have talked to her on the phone once and am scheduled to see her this week so I am hopeful it will help me slowly break free from all of the abuse, pain and daily horrible interactions (we have 2 children that we are trying to co-parent).
My main question to all of you who have been through this difficult process of setting some clear boundaries and eventually detaching from the daily chaos... .can a therapist help not only in encouraging the boundary setting (not coming to my house announced, not calling me in middle of night raging, etc) but will they be on phone or meet to give you support in actually having that conversation? I am scared of his rageful reaction? (which I know is his BPD fear of abandonment but I am the object of his extreme reactions). I am trying to take these steps with someone other than a lawyer or police, because I can only imagine the reaction then. Anyone have experience or advice?