BPDFamily.com

Hi.  I've recently joined a memoir-writing group and am in the process of organizing my thoughts on what it was like to grow up in a family dealing with multiple mental illnesses (Mother BPD signs / tendencies & diagnosed Primary Depression, Father diagnosed Schizophrenia, Sister diagnosed Schizo-Effective Disorder, two Aunts BPD).  Father passed.  Sister unable to behave companionably.  Mother resentful and overwhelmed, not wanting the children she had.  I was mostly kept away from family and we moved to a new city / town / farm every year or so, keeping me from "having people" or any kind of stability.

Now an adult, I have made choices to improve my life such as with decades of therapy and re-learning, as well as moving into a safer environment.

Two of my greatest challenges are:
1) Trying to figure out what words to put to my experiences; and
2) Trying to figure out what is truth and reality.

While I did try years as a member of a local support group for care-givers of loved-ones with mental illness, and taking a 12 week course on the topic, I still don't know anyone else in the same situation as I, and I find it difficult to confer with anyone new about it in person.  Found this on-line website, so thought that I would try it out.  Mainly I would like the opportunity to see if I can manage some headway regarding the 2 challenges I've listed above.  I'm appreciative of the opportunity.  Thank you.

Hi DaughterOfHera! 

Welcome! You've come to the right place to find others who will be able to listen and understand. We are all dealing with some challenge of one kind or another related to a pwBPD so you will not be alone.

Sounds like you have worked through a lot already but still have things you are working on.


I find it hard to put my own experiences with my uBPDm into words as well. It plays out so clearly in my brain but I struggle to get it out in a way that shows it. I have two books I'll suggest to you. One is written by a woman who has done a nice job of teling both her story and how she has worked to overcome the effects of having a BPDm. The other is a book which deals with your second point, specifically about learning to trust yourself. I've read both books and they are helpful and thought provoking. Here are the reviews:

Missing: Coming to Terms with a Borderline Mother (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=298995.0[b)

Surviving a Borderline Parent (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68021.0[b)

What do you find to be the most difficult when you try to express your story in written format?

 
Wools

When your parents are "off", this is a struggle many children must face.

 

Woolspinner2000... .Thank you for the 2 book recommendations.  These look helpful and I have ordered them. 

In regard to your question... .[What do you find to be the most difficult when you try to express your story in written format?] ... .I tend to think in concepts and memories rather than words.  I think, also, in not having any adults around me growing up who could teach which words even COULD be applied to what I was witnessing / experiencing, this created blanks in my education.  We all are taught, as kids, THIS is what the letters A B & C look like, or, THIS is what the colour yellow looks like, or, THIS is what an apple looks like, but we are rarely taught THIS is what a symptom and it's resulting behaviour looks like.  So, I'm now having to figure those out for myself, almost as if I'm creating a visual chart or something, such as we would get with learning the alphabet.  Years ago, while taking a Self-Help course, the facilitator included one of these charts that put word labels to feelings / facial expressions, and I have found it to be quite helpful.   It looks like a series of emojis with the label below each one.  (I'm trying to insert one here, but the "insert image" button is not working in a way that I am familiar with.)

Skip... .thank you for the understanding, and for the emoji hug. *grin* :)