|
Title: When children are involved. Post by: Littlebeetle on April 18, 2017, 09:55:23 AM Hello everyone. I've never posted on a BPD forum before. My older sister has suffered from BPD since she was a child and is in her 30's and so am I we also have a brother. She has 3 children that my family adore and are close with despite the chaos. I moved to another city in my 20's to get away from the weekly or daily fighting because I'm a rescuer and take it on emotionally, I became chronically ill and had to move back in with my mother for 3 years while I healed. My family all live within an hour of each other. My sister has pushed me to the brink of suicide so many times especially when I was close to death with my illness(all because I couldn't babysit). All her kids have issues as well because she's horrible to them. My parents are too stressed out to be accountable anymore and are separated and don't try to work together to help the situation. We've had child protection services involved which was tough to do but she lied her way out if it. Having to call cps was the most stressful experience ever and it backfired so I no longer trust that system. When I try to get my parents to stand up more my dad just gets angry and my mom crumbles into rage tears(which makes me so frustrated). The relationship with my sister is hell. She's broken into my house to steal from me, left me stranded in another city, physically attacked me... the list is endless. I'm not perfect but I've done a lot of self reflection and tried for the sake of her children to have a relationship with her. She has a lot of support financially and refuses professional help and even broke an agreement from her therapist and lied to him(she only went to passify the system). She takes her moods out on her children and uses it against our family with no remorse. Anytime I start doing well she try's to attack my life and recently did so. I've decided that after 3 years of solid abuse from her that I no longer want to try to have a relationship. My main concern is the children. I'm devestated over not seeing them. My family does not know the impact all this has on the kids and I'm sick of hating my family for not doing enough but I feel helpless myself. I don't want to get even with her. I'm over trying to prove anything I just want those kids safe and I want to know how to get on with my life and how to cope with possibly not seeing my nephews. Is this my battle to fight or should I just cut all ties and move on? Thanks for listening
Title: Re: When children are involved. Post by: Woolspinner2000 on April 19, 2017, 07:55:00 PM Welcome Littlebeetle!
How thankful I am that you've come to find us here and share some of your story with us! |iiii There are many other members here who have a BPD sibling, and such stories they can tell! Similar to yours, there is so much hurt when a sibling attacks you. I am so sorry. Thank goodness you were able to get away for a time and begin the healing process which in turn sounds like it helped to strengthen you. However, it doesn't take long for the triggers to send us right back into chaos, does it? I get that and frequently walked that road with my uBPDm. It is really good that you are concerned about your nieces and nephews. I wish I had someone in my life who would've been aware of what was going on and who cared. I sadly speak from experience when I say that as children, whatever the environment we grow up in, we see it as "normal." It took me several years of T to wrestle with the word 'abuse' and wrapping my head around it before I could comprehend that yes, I was very abused and my siblings as well. You have also walked through your own abuse with your sister so you have the ability to see what she is beyond the appearance others may see. Just because this may appear normal to them does not make it normal, and there are things you can do to support and show that you love and care for them. I am going to post a link to a workshop that has been most helpful to me and that will give you some very good ideas of what you can do. There is a ton of information in the workshop so please don't try to read or absorb it all at once. The link will be there for you to return to and thoughtfully ponder what is there. When are the children of a BPD parent at risk? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=97979.0[b) How far away from the children do you live right now? How many children are there and how old are they? Looking forward to hearing back from you! Wools |