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Title: Hi New community member here Post by: Nightbaby on April 18, 2017, 04:01:07 PM My son, aged 47, was recently diagnosed with BPD. I'm happy about that because after 4+ decades of ... .well, you know the story... .I realize I've just been a scapegoat. He needed someone... .anyone... .to blame for his verbal and physical behaviors because he couldn't figure out the reasons for his words and actions, for which he expresses huge regret shortly afterwards.
He reminds me of my father, AND my mother, both long passed away now, and my living sister as well. I learned to cope with them all by proactively doing everything possible to keep them "happy" most of the time and dodging/running/hiding/wondering what's next, the rest of the time. I really don't know where I belong in this group... .threads re a child, or parents, or siblings? Well, that's my story of why I'm here. I'm looking for a greater understanding of BPD. I'm exhausted. I'm weary. I have no "magic wand" ... .I am powerless to bring my son or my sister the joy, peace and harmony I feel inside (except when it wanes during their confusingly recurrent episodes of deep, dark rage... .followed by incredibly loving gestures afterwards... .ad infinitum). I'm also wondering why I escaped BPD. It is good that I found this site! I will spend great amounts of time reading your contributions ... .so I thank you for sharing your words and thoughts. So, "hello" everyone! Title: Re: Hi New community member here Post by: Kwamina on April 19, 2017, 12:45:38 PM Welcome to bpdfamily Nightbaby
BPD is quite a challenging disorder, but now that your son has been officially diagnosed you at least know what you are dealing with. What led up to your son getting this diagnosis and will he be getting targeted treatment for his BPD? You mention your son's verbal and physical behaviors. Is he physically violent towards you? He reminds me of my father, AND my mother, both long passed away now, and my living sister as well. I learned to cope with them all by proactively doing everything possible to keep them "happy" most of the time and dodging/running/hiding/wondering what's next, the rest of the time. What you describe here is what many I think would call 'walking on egg-shells'. There are however other things you can learn, other and likely more constructive coping mechanisms. I too think it is good you found this site and definitely encourage you to take a look around, read others' posts and explore the various resources. You indeed might be powerless to change your son and sister if they do not want to or are unable to change, but what you can change is your own behavior and how you respond to them. By changing your 50% of the relationship, you will influence the entire relationship, regardless of whether the other person changes or not. Do you feel you've been able to accept the reality of your son's (and sister's) BPD and the consequences this has for the relationship you are able to have with them? The Board Parrot |