BPDFamily.com

During our breakup she uttered these words while sobbing "Why does this keep happening to ME", because every previous relationship she had failed within a year and it was always the guy who was to blame. I was deep in the FOG at this point so just wanted to console her. 

Later as I started to come out of FOG during the recycle I asked her if she thought because of her problems in the past (abuse) and behaviour caused her problems in her relationships. Instead of some introspection I got demonic satan eyes and then i'm sure she went out and cheated that night. 

Luckily i'm out now and sill never get sucked back (only one recycle), I doubt she will ever contact me because she knows I uncovered her patterns. 

This showed me that they very rarely self reflect and when they do it ends up a shame fest with self destruction and for her suicide attempts.  She showed me the suicide letter she had written and it was all about how she was sorry for being so selfish and apologising to everyone for that. it turns out the last attempt she made none of her family even visited her in hospital.  That says it all.  She is still attractive and under 40 so no doubt will go on to destroy a few more men's lives before the looks fading leading to regret and shame of what she lost will push her over the edge into a mental institution or successful suicide.

I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes I wish that mine would have succeeded at one of hers, or in a possible future one, so that she doesn't destroy anymore lives... .

I struggle with this. A part of me wants her to be happy. My past past BPD ex from 5 years ago is someone I wish is truly happy even though she did the classic discard/replacement which this most recent one didn't do to me. So I know I will feel the same. But a part of me still has feelings that I hope she doesn't succeed. At the end she realized she wasn't well and realized that she hurt me. So maybe it will provide her the chance for growth. However she said the same thing after the first discard.

It's not something I can dwell on or even worry about anymore. However, normal therapy doesn't work with BPD, and she won't stop going to her Rogerian therapist who is enabling her unknowingly. And it's the struggle of 35 years of a learned behavior which she will have to stop and think about before reacting to at all times. And as I type this I feel sorry for her. Knowing that she probably won't spend the years alone to work on herself. But at least I am free now.

I wish mine had succeeded before she met me.  After I kicked her out and finished it with her, her behavior started getting worse, going out drinking every night no doubt causal sex and drugs. Whereas I cut down drinking and started exercising and building a social life and focused on work family.  I think if she continues down the same path she will self destruct probably taking a few exes with her.

This sounds super harsh(to put it mildly). I know Im not healed in that I still wish her current marriage dissolves. Further than that? No. Love doesn't wish physical harm on anyone ever. My exBPD once said "you wish I would get in an accident and be crippled so you could leave me". This after forgiveness after forgiveness, and while on a $1000+ trip to a hotel in the city to "fix" (I know desperation) what was left after the chaos of her lies and cheating. 8 out of 9 on the DSM. In my case,  looking back,  I'm scared for them. The ignorance in understanding cause and effect. Victim mentality. Rock bottom is how long some of us held out(I know I did). I can only pretend it is a lesson until I actually feel I've moved on I guess. There's soo many examples but here's some that come to mind about always" happening to her". If a grocery store ran out of something that was her favorite it was "happening" to her. Or if she didn't read a label and did laundry with something new and It bled on other clothes she would be sad, yet this happened again and again. She got an ear infection because she took her new piercings out daily instead of waiting a month plus. She handed me the phone once already ringing to make an appointment. When we showed up it was the wrong location and I got blamed. Not even sure she believed me about how that went down. Disordered.

I seriously doubt this is the last you'll hear from her. I thought the same when I saw the rage, hate, n the words.  All I can say is, if she does come back, ( great likelyhood) you going to have to be very strong. U will be love bombed etc

This frightens me. Literally. I never thought she'd do it once. And then after the 2nd fling I told her all about what I think with her BPD and all that. In my anger I know I was projecting but I think a part of me tried so hard to make sure she hates me enough to not reach out. But she knows she needs help. My fear is that will mean she isn't going to find a replacement. Which means I"m the only person she can look to for validation when she starts feeling the void again. It's scary stuff if she comes back again. But then again it would be scary if I entertained it.