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I've been NC since tuesday. Blocked all avenues of her being able to get in touch with me. I got home from work 2 hours ago and without me even thinking I unblocked her in facebook to see if she had blocked me. Searched her name and she hadnt. Prifle picture is now something about yoga being an all saving grace. So she's now attached to yoga again to void fill but it's no surprise.

I don't know why I did it. And now I have to wait 48 hours to block her again. It was a moment of weakness where my curiosity got the best of me. And after the first discard she had me blocked on facebook so I probably wanted to see if she did it to me again. I actually felt worse for doing it which is a good sign. But in 48 hours I'll block her for good.

I know if I don't tell on myself i leave the door open for a relapse if she comes knocking. And you all understand this whereas my friends won't think it's such a big deal that I did what I did. Thanks for reading.

I have made a similar mistake. It is shameful to say but I have checked my ex gfs fb page. It did no good. Now I see she is with another guy. Poor b%%tard, he's in for so much abuse & so forth

I did the same thing yesterday and now have to wait as well. I see her regularly at work as well and it's painful. This after almost 4 months of separation. The emotions I feel daily are very difficult for me to manage and exhausting. Anger, sadness and loneliness are a big part of my day as is rumination about her eventual return knowing I can't get back together with her. I have never experienced this type of grief before and really have a difficult time understanding how she could repeatedly do this to another person. I am one of several who is in pain from her behavior... .and that's very cold comfort and does nothing to fill the empty void... .

I HATE that they make you wait 48 hours... .that's 48 hours to ruminate and feel bad about the very very human and understandable action you took.  Do you have some plans that will make the time pass this weekend?  And can you think of some things you can do in the future that will make this less likely to happen?  Wish I had some good suggestions for you.  If it makes you feel any better, I screwed up in my LC even more and actually gave in to his begging to come see him and "just talk".  Whereas I'm somewhat proud that it didn't go further than talking, he ended up crying and pleading for an hour, blocked my way out of a room, refused to let me leave until I told him "I would think about getting back with him" and now is on a texting tirade about how healthy and good it will be for us to get back together.  I'm sitting here alone in my house just weeping over my stupidity, weeping over how hurt he is, and weeping over how I'm back to square one.  I feel for you, roberto516.  How can we learn from this?

Chillamom I can't believe it. Because after the first discard I was doing what he is doing. I didn't see her in person but I kept asking her to consider it again and why it would be beneficial to try etc. The traits really rub off on us. I'm definitely going to keep myself occupied. And everytime I have an impulse to reach out (all out of anger now) I tell myself to wait 10 minutes. And in 40 minutes I remember but forget what i wanted to message her and don't even want to reach out anymore. But I need to do that as well for things like facebook. I don't even go on facebook anymore so I should just delete it anyway.

roberto,

I have been there my friend! This is tough and social media is the devil in my opinion. It allows the wounds to reopen so easily!

For me when I decided to go NC I blocked and unblocked her several times in the first two weeks. I even setup a stalker account to "monitor" her. Although in truth it was part of a subconscious attempt to be recycled, which I wanted at the time.

It. was. pure. torture.

After coming on the board and talking about all the things I saw (which included the usual veiled attempts by her to recycle me) and with the great help of others (Grey Kitty in particular),  I got really angry.

I thought, why am I giving my ex the pleasure of looking at her life? She doesn't deserve my attention anymore, and all the games, lies, and manipulation that are played out on her accounts were symptomatic of a severely dysfunctional relationship I didn't want to really be in anymore.

I decided that the only real justice and closure I could get from my situation was setting myself free from it totally.

Anger helped me go full NC on social media. When I decided to stop looking at my BPD-ex forever (and others I had been ruminating about for years) I realized that this was basically one of the only choices I had in ending the relationship for good.

Now as I have learned more about BPD and have a greater sympathy for my ex I find myself more and more drawn to looking at her accounts.

But what good will that do me? What good for my mental health would come from seeing what she is up to?

Nothing of course. Funny story. I actually have a little sound I make whenever I want to look at her accounts (strange I know, thankfully no one is around to hear it) It's sort of a "tsk tsk" sound I make to myself to remind myself how silly it would be for me to look and hurt myself. It's a sort of learned behaviour I have used to cope with the longing and my stalker tendencies. Almost like I am mothering myself (which in a way I am).

When we fall down we get up again. Hang in there.