BPDFamily.com

I know it hurts, I know of the pain these personality disordered slinks cause us nons but after this weekend and seeing Xw in full swing BPD/NPD mode, you know, what comes normal and natural to them, lie, deceive, manipulate, it occurred to me the more effort these broken toys put into smearing us, the odious is that the better person we are. We are good people but we let a BPD/ NPD get in our heads, distort who we are, the better person we are, the more morales we have the more they despise us, try to crush us mentally, they are empty vesicles with no morales so they hate us for it, try to bleed us dry. Xw has a particular hate for me bc she tried and failed to destroy me, she almost succeeded and some days I feel pretty down but I do have days I feel very strong. Xw found a piece of clay she can form and mould into her liking, someone who is willing to jump at her whim. So many things came clear to me this weekend, they really do trade down when we get replaced. It hurts, it's painful but the trade down, the smear will all come to light, the greater the smear the better the person we are, the more we pick our selves up and prove the BPD/NPD wrong the harder they have to work. we do get stronger and they do move on to destroy another soul.

The events of this weekend really opened my eyes, I have lots of these moments, small events that add up and add up to help us recover. I use to be baffled at the horrible hate xw's family has for me, her parents are queer as hell, I think xw's mother drove xw's father crazy but even to this day after all these years they hate me, I mean hate and for no reason but now I seem to be thinking more clear. For 8 years I was there for Xw, that was 8 years of being separated, I was at her house all the time, we were lovers all those years, but now I see that Xw kept a smear campaign going. Normal people move on or forgive or work things out, for example my T, her daughter was married to a mental and physical abuser, now if anyone deserves a good pounding it's a wife beater but my T said they love and forgive the ex son in law and if he seeked out help, they would welcome him back in the family. To me that is how normal people think. The worse thing I did was have a mental break down, the more I begged Xw the meaner she got, I turned to booze for a while but I quit that 10 years ago. Xw wanted my family gone, I dug my heals in, she involved her family to threaten me with violence, the more I look at all of this craziness over the past 12 years and the fog lifts bit by bit its becoming more clear that Xw is the conductor and her family and now her BF is the orchestra.

Hi bus boy,

I ran into my exFIL awhile back, I hadn't seen him in 4 years, I thought that we were close, he was clearly bothered by seeing me. I'll admit that I felt hurt by it a little, it made me wonder yarns my ex was spinning about me. Then I thought if I get a strong reaction like that, it means I'm doing something right.

Hi bus boy,

I had similar feelings about my exuBPDw's boyfriend and i'll be honest that there were many times later in thr r/s that I wished tht it was over, it still caused a lot of pain like many here when my wish came true. I had feelings of loss, guilt, anger, and felt depressed about losing my marriage. I was putting too much of it on my back, my ex wife as social impairments and doesn't have the skills to repair r/s's, it's one broken r/s after the other. She is who she is.

My point is, don't measure your self worth with the other guy. I was out of the fire, and he's in it. The break-up was a painful experience, probably of the most painful ones for me because it opened unresolved issues from my FOO, but it was also an experience where I learned a lot about myself, it was a life altering experience, a positive one, they were also tough lessons. Today, i'm just glad that i'm not him because it's going to be worse for him than me.

I always took pride in my loyalty.  I couldn't imagine inflicting the pain of cheating onto another person... .and I lived my life accordingly. 110% loyalty... .no interest in other women.

When I dated a u/cluster b six years ago, the one that brought me to this board... .she was always raging accusations of me of cheating on her.  Not only was I in love with her, I was in love with her friends and family.  Eventually, after she dumped me for our neighbor with more $$$, she told everyone I cheated on her as her cop out for ending the relationship.  That hurt the most; losing the respect of her friends and family... .and I did nothing wrong.  She was probably the one cheating the entire time... .she straight up told me at the end when I defended my loyalty that loyalty wasn't as important to her as money and stability was.

These people are so messed up and backwards.  Funny thing is everyone thinks she was so charming and affable.  Behind closed doors, I was in hell.

I think they tend to amp things up when we don't give them a reaction. My ex has done numerous things to try to get a reaction out of me and I don't bite.

A few months ago her sister who has a pretty locked down FB account made public a post she met my ex and her girlfriend for lunch, had an amazing day.

She never has public posts, we are talking five plus years. This post also mentioned her children and she is estranged from her own father, their grandfather in regards to one of them. Clearly there is a reason for making that post public.

Baiting.

They want me to reach out so a RO can be slapped on me. I will never do that. It's funny how people can hate you so much they want to destroy you, especially when you've done nothing to them and have had 0 interaction with them.

I've gotten NC down to a science. At work I know approx what time my ex sister goes to lunch so I am certain not to grab my lunch at that time. I can avoid getting stuck on an elevator with her or having to walk past her in the hall.

It hurts when people view you with distain but I learned through all this that it doesn't matter what any of these people think. They are not important to my life and why do I care what a bunch of people with skewed thoughts think anyways?