BPDFamily.com

I have had this on/off relationship with an addict BPD.  I have been hurt and I have hurt.  Nothing seems to get better. there is no trust and lies on top of lies. I went through her phone and found some things that would not be tolerated in any relationship. I am no angel and do not claim to be.  We have done this so many times that it seems normal.  I want to be with her forever and want to believe we can work it out.  Then reality sets in and I know that it wont and cant work.  I really didnt know what I was getting myself into, but it was too late.  I fell in love.  Im told that we can only be happy with someone else when we are happy with ourselves.  I do believe this in some ways.  In the beginning of the relationship, I was quite happy with myself.  I had lost a lot of wt and had a good routine at the gym as well as eating habits.   In the beginning of out relationship, her parents seemed to be the focus of all her anger. Over time I have noticed that I became the focus.  I was the problem and I was mentally unhealthy as well.  There are so many things that I didnt realize about myself and the one that I love most is telling me them... How could I not believe it and even see what she is talking about.   I found myself distancing from my parents, thinking that they are a part of my problems.  I just feel lost and not sure what my next step should be.  A part of me feels like its time to move on and forget about her all together and the other cant bare the thought of never holding her or smelling her again.  There is a lot more to say, and I feel like I could go on forever. I just wish I knew how to make it work.

Hi Dmark,

Being in love with an addicted BPD can feel like an addiction of its own 

What are the fights usually about? Who is the one who does the breaking up?

It takes a lot of strength to not be emotionally injured in these relationships. Taking care of yourself needs to be job one so you can weather her emotional pain without it crippling you. Are you still working out and eating well?

Are you in touch with your parents?

Glad you found the site. You're not alone.

LnL

So torn... .i am trying so many things to keep myself busy and nothing thinking of my ex... .It gets very difficult at times.  Most of my friends have gf's and kids and are understandably busy. 

On the other hand and in a more positive note. I feel as a great weight has been lifted.  I do have more energy and feel less stressed.   I have all the answers I need I just need to listen to the facts and keep positive.

It also feels good to let this out. :)