BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I wonder if it happened to any of you as well.
I was 90% sure that my ex had BPD but i had no proof... But I was lucky enough that his psychiatrist was pregnant and vulnerable and she felt so bad about me  that she told me that he has a Cluster B P.D - Soo mystery solved! |iiii
Anw... .in the 2.5 years we were together he broke up with me in the beginning of January'16 and January'17... . In January'16 he broke up with me and he was doing the push pull thing for three months (and he was trying to find a replacement) and in January'16 he left completely (he did find a replacement)...
We were planning to get engaged.  He suddenly left. Never contacted me again.
Anyone else noticed this pattern? Break up/push-pull after xmas holidays? Whats wrong with BPDs and Christmas?

Wow... .the first time my exBPD broke up with me one of her excuses was because I didn't like Christmas.  I never said I didn't like Christmas and we never had problems during the Christmas Holidays.  She ended things in May but brought up Christmas... .I had no idea what she was talking about.

Don't try to place logic is something that is illogical.

My understanding is that people with BPD (pwBPD) can experience intense fear of (imagined) abandonment for a lot of reasons that would not otherwise elicit such fear for nonBPD people.

My observation has been that for some pwBPD, feelings of intimacy and familiarity (like family) seem to be a trigger for this disordered fear of abandonment.  So occasions that would have strong meaning to the pwBPD might subsequently also trigger a strong *imagined* fear that they will be imminently abandoned.  And so in order to avoid this imagined abandonment, they might abandon their loved ones first (if you abandon, you are not abandoned).  Or at the very least, act out on these disordered feelings they experience.

This might be why so many people report that their BPD loved ones seem to exhibit worsened behavior after a major relationship landmark (i.e., getting engaged, getting married, having children, sharing a family/religious holiday, etc... ).

Hope this helps,

Schwing

 For six weeks leading up to our holiday abroad she was a nightmare, nearly every night starting arguments over nothing and saying she wasn't going.
Well she did go but it was the holiday from hell, I could have took a patient from the local mental hospital and had a better time.
The holiday will be for another post, you could make a film about it, she ruined it with constant arguing, and stuff you won't believe, she was a brat, an unruly child.

The lead up to Xmas was bad as well, Xmas was great until boxing day night in fact it was the best I had had since my teens.
 We got engaged and then after 2 days she descended into depression and was cold and distant and arguing again over nothing, I put that down to her mum and sister not approving.
Our 6 month anniversary (before the Xmas) was not what I was expecting, she was in a foul mood that night.

Our one year anniversary was even worse, she started a massive argument over her hair, yep I'm not kidding... .her hair.

Then a few days before the money came through from my house sale and we were about to book a holiday for us for her birthday and another for us and her kids she kicked off again.

Seems like as good plans came together and what should have been things/days to celebrate she had to ruin it.

My soon to be ex-spouse BPD broke up with me in degrees after Christmas for a three year period.  After the first Christmas she moved out.  After the second Christmas she hired a lawyer.  After the third Christmas we started talking divorce settlement.  Now that the divorce is almost finalized, the attacks have intensified and come throughout the day via text.

Yes there was a seasonal Christmas pattern for me as well.