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Title: Why do they take the hard way out through smear and slander? Post by: ShadowA on April 29, 2017, 03:41:58 PM To put it simply, why is it you think that BPD people feel the need to slander their ex when they leave?
It's something I don't understand. Is it to get more support from others? Title: Re: Why do they take the hard way out through smear and slander? Post by: ShadowA on April 29, 2017, 04:18:12 PM Wouldn't it just be a lot easier to be honest? Seems like it causes a lot of unnecessary drama from both sides by slandering.
Title: Re: Why do they take the hard way out through smear and slander? Post by: OptimusRhyme on April 29, 2017, 05:35:01 PM The core trauma of the disorder are maladaptive and destructive defense mechanisms to shame and feelings of defect/inability to sustain one's emotions.
Slandering, projecting, and externaling are all ways to keep the shame of their interactions and choices from being consciously examined, because they're afraid (consciously or unconsciously afraid) that consciously examining those feelings of shame will utterly overwhelm and destroy them. The way I try to empathize is - it smarts when we've ___ed up and need to make amends or accept responsibility. If we've really hurt someone or ourselves, it can be really difficult to let down our defenses and love ourselves enough to allow ourselves the vulnerability of failure, the responsibility of pain. Imagine if your entire life was a compounding snowball of terribly painful interactions at your own hands. It would easily feed into the deep seated idea of self defect, and you or I would probably do lots of confusing and awful things to run from having to accept all of that at once, too. |