BPDFamily.com

Hi. I'm new here. I don't know what to do and I feel so alone. My BPD sister claims that she has a brain tumor. This is the lastest in a long list of ailments that I'm simply not sure is true. She lives apart from the rest of our family in another state. I feel like the right thing to do is to assume she's telling the truth and offer what emotional support I can, but she's using the "brain tumor" as license to say whatever mean, hurtful thing she thinks of. Consequently, my mom, dad, and brother are no longer speaking to her. I'm the only one left to deal with her and I feel so overwhelmed.

Hi 

I'm glad you found our site and that you shared some of your heartache with us. I'm really sorry that you are so overwhelmed right now. When you have a BPD in your life, so many things become much harder. From what you shared about your sister, it sounds like it is difficult to know if she is telling anyone the truth or not. What is her pattern in the past when it comes to being truthful?

Whether it is true or not that she has a tumor does not give her license to say whatever she wants. She may think it gives her such freedom, but that is not reality. Unfortunately with a pwBPD, they do not easily change their behavior. You will need to take care of yourself in creative ways. Some of that will be boundary setting. Here are a couple of links to help you.

Empathic listening (https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy[b)
Setting Boundaries (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries[b)

You'll find a lot of other members here that are in similar situations to yours and they'll offer helpful ideas and listening ears. We are a family here to help you. Have you read any books about BPD or how did you become aware of BPD?

 
Wools

Thanks so much for your response and for the links. It is difficult to know when my sister is telling the truth. She's lived out of state for years and has no significant other in her life. There is no one and no way to verify that she's actually sick. When I asked if she was having surgery, she said the tumor is "inoperable". She lies a lot. My mom just lost it and called her out on all her lies and you can imagine how that went. My mom has dealt with my sister for decades and she's just done now. She wants to spend her last years in peace and I don't blame her.

I learned about BPD by accident. I was browsing through a bookstore and I saw the book title, "Stop Walking on Eggshells". I bought it and read it and found it helpful, but that was years ago. Things have really gotten bad and my sister has alienated everyone in the family and I'm getting to a point where I'm wondering what I'm doing in this one-sided, stressful relationship. I love my sister, but I'm so worn out and overwhelmed and now I don't feel like I have the support of my family since they've all back away from her. I thought I'd try this site as a last ditch effort.