BPDFamily.com

I filed in Feb 2016... .  got the custody eval back in Nov 2016... .  final hearing scheduled for Dec 31st 2016. 

1.  wife's attorney postponed as he would be on vacation (got new date)
2.  We were 2nd choice and did not get to go (got new date)
3.  Had hearing did not get through the evidence for an all day trial(got new date)
4.  Were 2nd choice did not get to go (got new date)
5.  Day 2 of trial did not get through it all.  It went all day again.  (got new date for last Friday)
5.  Last Friday judge called in sick 1 hour before going into court. 
6. Next date is end of June 2017 - 2nd choice

The last was a kick in the gut as new hearing is not set until end of June.  I missed all summer last year because of a crappy prelim order I signed.  When we signed it my lawyer told me we could get it changed in a 2 weeks.  That was 15 months ago.  I got a new lawyer when I found out he did not even get me minimal parenting time.  I was dumb for being naive but I felt that is why I paid him $300 an hour. 

If it takes 30 days for him to issue and order.  Then we are at the beginning of school again.  I missed summer 2 with the kids. 

Friday I was the saddest I had been in a long time.  Felt like week 3 of the beginning of the divorce all the pain so raw. 
 

I'm really sorry to hear that. I've had just a few delays/continuances since I filed last summer. I'm hoping not to end up with even more.

I'm sorry you are going through this and missing time with your children.  Our son has been trying to divorce his uBPDW since 2015 as well.  I can't tell you how many hours of work I have missed and how many times I have driven 350 miles only to have court rescheduled.  It is very frustrating and heartbreaking. All my vacation time for 2 years has been used for this plus some. He goes back to court the very end of June. We will see what happens. Hopefully your new attorney will do a better job for you.

Flourdust,

I hope it doesn't not get continued for you also.  The saddest part is that my 4 older kids are now many years away from having a normal relationship with me their father because of the alienation which has been reported to the judge by the court appointed custody evaluator.

I am not sure if kids are in the mix for you... .  but keep an eye on the alienation.  The longer this has gone on the more distant they are. 

Panshekay, 

I can only imagine what it is like to watch your kids go through this.  I know I feel out of control for the situation, I can't imagine that as a parent.  The best thing my family has given me through all of this is 'just to love me for who I am'.  Not hold grudges for the negative things I did by shunning them when my wife asked me to.  Their support has been a godsend. 

Please know that your son probably feels the same way. 

Thank you so much Sluggo... .it's funny, I never did hold any of that against our son.  He feels so badly about pulling away from us and believing her lies and the things he said to me but you know what?  I knew where it was coming from.  It never hurt me because it wasn't true. Not one single thing she said, or convinced him to believe was true.  Recently my son and I spoke about it and he said he felt like a fool and so bad for everything and he was worried that I didn't really forgive him.  I said, son, what if your son said and did those same things to you... .would you forgive him?  He said without hesitation, of course I would mom... .and I asked why and he quickly answered because he is my son and I love him no matter what. I then explained that is exactly how I felt about him.  No matter what I love him and will always love him and support him. I will drive a million miles forever just to be there for him. We fight for our children no matter how old they are. Thanks for the kind words Sluggo.  Keep us posted.

Thanks. We've got one daughter. There's been some alienation, but I have custody the majority of the time, so that's limited my ex's influence.

Panshekay,

thank you for the kinds words. 

When you finally get back in court can you first address the issue of a corrected summer schedule as a priority before getting back into the divorce issues.

Your lawyer may have to file some paperwork so you get relief from a poor temp order that is, in effect, in need of adjustment?  I recall my lawyer estimating my case at 7-9 months but it ended up being 23.5 months with no changes during that entire "temporary" order.

Are you at least getting vacation time?  If not then that's another issue to move to the top of the fix list.

FD,

Thanks.  No vacation time.  There isn't any provision for that.  Lawyer just reached out to her lawyer to see if we can get summer parenting settled.  I am not holding my breath. 

Hang in there Sluggo. I have five kids with my x and feel your pain. Even as of last night (my weeknight for dinner), x texts me to tell me that D8 is sick so she will be staying home. When I get there to pick my kids up, D8 is standing at the door watching very sadly as everyone else is climbing in the truck to leave. She came outside on the porch to give me a hug and didn't feel warm or seem sick but I didn't argue because: 1) it would probably be used against me and 2) x wasn't there anyway. She was gone with her boyfriend as usual. She leaves our kids with her mom almost every night (she lives with her mother). Somehow, in her "logic", them being with grandma almost every night is better than being with me. You are not alone brother.

Then can you and your lawyer make vacation time this summer a priority to resolve first at the next hearing?  Courts assume temp orders are temporary but in our cases they just go on and on.  Make clear you didn't get any vacation time last year and at the current rate the kids won't get vacation time with you for a second year.  It shouldn't be that hard for the judge to get the lawyers to agree to some relief.

My temp order didn't specifically reference vacation time but it was in the county's online guideline.  (As it turned out my temp order was unchanged for 23+ months until we got the Final Decree.  Why they refused to change it along the way, I can only theorize that temp orders are usually much shorter and they figured there was no need for fixes when just temporary.)  My lawyer said to go ahead and give stbEx my written notice.  Predictably entitled, she said No.  Fortunately I had looked ahead and declared my vacation to start on my weekend so I had our kid that weekend as scheduled.  Once the weekend time ended she called police, then turned to the local sheriff's office.  She demanded an Amber Alert.  The deputy declined, stating it did not meet the Amber Alert criteria.  The sheriff's investigator got involved, called my lawyer who called me with their deal - kid would talk to his mother every few days.  I said okay but she had my cell number, she can call anytime.  Lawyer said she won't call, I had to call her and hand phone to our son.  She refused to call but complained about no contact?

40Days,

That does suck.  yes understand that pain.  It is so sad.  How long were you married?  What are the kids ages? We have 7 kids ages 17-3? 

FD,

Thanks.  Nice to realize that it took you 23 months.  It keeps my expectations in line.