BPDFamily.com

Hello. My ex has BPD and recently she broke up with me. This isn't the first time. We have almost been dating for a decade so my reason for sticking around mostly has been due to how much I love this girl. I understand that this can be the ebb and flow of a relationship with someone suffering from BPD. I guess I'm at a stage where I don't know if I should continue with the relationship or if I should call it quits. I still love this girl deeply and honestly I believe she still loves me also. She has been dealing with some outside stressors in her life and I believe that she is taking it out on me. I'm basically the only family she has so who else is she going to take it out on.

Hi there,

It's very tiring and frustrating the lack of stability in these relationships, it's very common with us, sadly.

I'm in the same position, as the only family support of my GF, adding that she has the responsibility of 2 kids. Being a caring person, as I believe you are, it is hard to tell apart your love from your responsibility of "not leaving her alone". My GF feels super guilty because she "makes me pay" for all her anxiety when I'm "the one good thing in her life". It is true that the one closest to them, is the one that gets the anger, the blaming, etc. Some call this "being inside the BPD bubble" (they don't hurt the people outside the bubble), and I've heard people with the dissorder saying that they feel they need us to understand their pain, so subconsciously, they hurt us.
Only you know all the pieces, and how you're managing them. It is hard to take so many blows and still want to be with one person. And it's never just a rational decission. Many people tell me "do what's best for yourself", and well, for us, I think it's not so easy.

People with BPD had "help" to get this pain in their lives, some people treat them very wrong, or didn't give them the tools they needed to have a life worth living. Now they need people, and help, to regulate themselves and hopefully get out of it. That is part of the responsibility that partners take upon ourselves. If we love them, we can't ignore this part of their lives. We can't love them as if they didn't have the BPD. I don't know if I'm getting what I want to express across.
 
If your SO needed a wheelchair, you're not going to say "I love you, but I won't be pushing your chair". I'm not saying this is your case at all. I'm saying that those friends that tell you "think only about yourself" can't understand what it means to love someone with BPD.

It is true that only responsibility is not a recipe for success. You have to "get something out of it" and that's very personal. If you only give, and get tired, you'll burn yourself, and you'll be empty for the relationship and for feeling happyness yourself. Been there.

One little thing, please try not to duplicate posts. 

You can write here everything you like and you'll find many friendly ears that won't judge you, or her. But we can't advise you to stay or not. We'll never know all the pieces.

Welcome to the family. I hope you'll find some peace and that you can make a decission and feel happy about it.