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Title: As Mother's Day approaches Post by: Hopelessandlost on May 08, 2017, 09:53:39 PM This has to be the one day a year I dread more then any emotionally. I have five adult children, only one was lucky enough to not be suffering from moderate to severe mental health in the area of personality disorders. My three daughters are not connected to me at all at this point. My one son is a diagnoised narcissist, so he has no feeling for anyone including me.
My youngest daughter met a guy online and simply took off to the other side of North America giving up her disabilty and independence a month ago. She found someone who for the moment is giving her everything she wants... .this daughter has put me through hell and back. She was diagnoised borderline but definitely has narcissism rolled in there. She has told me many times it is her way or no way. And that she is perfect and always will get what she wants. She has also told me she doesn't understand emotions and feelings yet can play the victim to prefection... .as much as my relationship with her was very unhealthy... .I miss her but I have managed to kept no contact since she left. I am terrified of being hurt again... . I dont know what would be worse not hearing from her at all on Mother's Day or getting a nasty letter from her calling me every name in the book. I realize if I died tomarrow only my youngest would care... .and that is painful to take. I'm not like them I feel and have emotions... .Mother's Day is painful for me... . Title: Re: As Mother's Day approaches Post by: Lollypop on May 09, 2017, 12:43:06 AM Hi there hopelessandlost
In a way I wish they'd ban Mothers Day. This one has always been a hard one for me too. I could tell you to try and do something nice just for yourself, to take that deep breath and say "well, I've loved them all and I've done by best, I'll celebrate that even if nobody else will". You've got one son who is also trying to do his best and most probably knows a little of how you're feeling. I think today might be the very day you can count your blessings in him. If you can't make a fuss of yourself, you can call him and have a chat and tell him you love him. I spend a Mother's Day in my car a few years ago and spent my entire day really sobbing. It's one I regret, I wish I'd tidied myself up, combed my hair, put some lipstick on and got myself out and about. I know I'd feel sad inside but a little of me would have felt the power of pulling myself a little more together. My heart goes to you on this very special day. I hope you find something positive to do even if you don't feel like it, anything where you can keep busy for a couple of hours will help your state of mind. Be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself the best way you can. Sending you a big hug LP Title: Re: As Mother's Day approaches Post by: MomMae on May 09, 2017, 12:43:38 PM I understand, Hopelessandlost. I have a 20 year old BPD daughter. I, too, am dreading Mother's Day, as I am sure many on here are. Yet I feel very guilty about that as I have two other children who are very loving and I know will recognize me, so I am fortunate in that respect. For me, even harder than the actual day, will be the days that follow, when I am alone with just my thoughts. No longer playing happy for everyone else's sake. The grieving, the never ending "why, why, why?", the anger. I already went through this just a couple of weeks ago when she ignored my birthday. Which was a deliberate move on her part as birthdays, and all holidays, have always been a big deal in our family... .a big deal that my once loving daughter enjoyed very much. Now nothing seems to matter to her. She dumped our entire family like a hot potato almost a year ago for a stranger she met on the internet. She is now on the third guy since him, all met on the internet, all unsavoury drug abusers, all overlapping relationships. We hear from her only when she is having a crisis or needs something. Just being ignored on an ordinary day is bad enough (which she does all the time, not returning texts, calls, etc), but special holidays are unbearable. I never thought I'd become one of "those people" who dreads holidays. I used to love them. Never say never. It makes me so sad to think this may be our new normal.
Title: Re: As Mother's Day approaches Post by: Hopelessandlost on May 09, 2017, 02:45:36 PM The support from this list helps with some of the isolation and hurt around times like these. There are many of us hurting... .like I mentioned I questioned am I better off hearing nothing on these special days or receiving some blaming angry message. Not sure which hurts more... .
The old internet dating sites... they are such as easy place for these people to hide. Hugs my friends |