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Near the very end of my relationship with my diagnosed xBPDgf, when I was exhausted from the pushing and pulling, I remember one memorable exchange with her. I was at the end of my rope, realizing that I loved her, but I could not do this any longer because she was killing me.

I asked, on the verge of tears, "What do you want from me?"

With tears rolling down her cheeks, she responded, "Hide me from the world."

Her response just seemed symbolic in a very tragic way.

What do you all think?

I think it was an apt response.

As I understand this disorder, much of what people with BPD (pwBPD) do that is regarded as disordered or dysfunctional behavior could be reduced to a strategy of avoiding this, that or another kind of painful feeling or realization.

Considering that one of the primary characteristics of this disorder is impulsiveness, is it a surprise that for pwBPD, their default response to perceived pain is to avoid or hide from that pain?

Choosing to face the source of your pain is not an impulsive behavior, it's a learned response born from maturity and experience, things that the nature of this disorder limits its sufferers from developing.

"Hide me from the world" sounds overly melodramatic and something heard or remembered from an external source. BPDs are mimics and this doesn't sound like anything a regular person would say.

When asking her to quantify her actions my exBPD used to quote heavily from movies - many of which I'd seen (I love my movies) and I'd stare at her thinking "who the hell is this person?"

Why would she want you to hide her from the world, when they are experts at hiding their condition and behaviours from the world?

I asked her what she meant by Hide me from the world and she replied, "Just done with work and everything. Done with hurting people and not being able to please everyone. Just want to get away and not worry about responsibilities or watching kids."

My exBPDgf  said this:


The need to shut themselves away and blame everybody else is part of the malady for the hermit type of pwBPD which apllies to my ex. I don't doubt that is how yours genuinely feels.

I think many pwBPD are self-aware of their disorder and know that they hurt many, many people. Mine always new she was a destructive force. But self-awareness doesn't mean they can cure themselves of the disorder and enter into normal relationships and not hurt people any more.

They have to be committed to getting better through intense therapy and perhaps drugs for impulsivity, anxiety and depression. But so few actually engage in therapy even though they are aware of their history of destructive relationships. 

All;

I posted this on another thread recently, (I forget which) but a few months ago, when my ex appeared under my balcony after seeing me on a night out, and demanding to be let in for a heart to heart, he said something not entirely unlike the OP's ex.  He told me how important I am to him, that he doesn't want to lose me from his life, but that he can't give me my 'expectations' (i.e. the relationship we had) ... .and one of the reasons he cited for this was that sometimes, he just wants to run away from everybody and everything, even his parents. He said he was like a kid, and that effectively he just wants to disappear.


Isn't it quite possible that Austen's ex meant something very similar? It might not have come from a film at all,  maybe she really does want to hide away from the world sometimes. For whose benefit is maybe not so clear - maybe she feels as my ex said he sometimes does. Or perhaps she thinks she'd be doing the world a favour by not wreaking havoc in it.

That's very sad Stripey. I do feel sorry for the malady of the BPD. The problem is when you are on the receiving end of such seemingly cruel behaviour, it causes such pain and in my case triggers my own traits. It is terribly sad and painful but I know when I get over this current agony I will be free from the tyranny of her mood swings. I doubt I will ever replace such incredible physical love (on my part anyway) and such a beautiful creature, but it is not worth losing my mind over. This song says it all:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_G4JNMURj4

My exBPDbf claimed to have social anxiety disorder, and whether or not that was true (I don't know as much of his behaviour and social interaction indicated otherwise) he often wanted to literally shut the world out and stay home all day... .even going as far as to keep the curtains closed.  I'd get home to find him sitting in a back room playing a game he was obsessed with on the laptop with the place looking like there had been a death in the family and all the doors locked.  He said he liked the feeling of safety that came from being reclusive.  It would never last more than a day and he'd soon be back out on the rampage wreaking his havoc but I'm now wondering if it was more of a BPD behaviour than that of the SAD... .

same as my x gf; sat in her house with curtains drawn all day. Sometimes walking her dogs at night, preferring the dark. No friends, no family near, just alone.

It's very sad.

I can relate to that too.  He would go out at night to take his long walks or to do anything like putting out the bins, rather than do it in the daytime.  He didn't want to be seen.  Had cut all ties with his family and most friends.  Only ever kept one or two but some drama always came along which caused him to leave them behind.  You're right, very sad.  It's like they want to protect themselves from the big bad world that causes them so much hurt.

Love and light x