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I'm feeling lonely and isolated. I've been married 18 years we have 4 kids, oldest is 13 and youngest 4. I'm currently sleeping in the basement while everyone else is upstairs and I really don't get to see the kids based on my wife taking them all to activities and not allowing me to do the same unless there is a schedule conflict and she would need to be in two places at the same time, so then I'm allowed to take a child somewhere. I'm not able to pick them up from school and not allowing me to build a relationship with the kids.  When my wife and I talk, it usually ends with an argument. I can never stand my ground if I want peace. In order to have peace, I have to give in to what she wants. I don't feel my feelings are ever considered,  but if I don't think about her and her feelings, I'm in trouble. I want to gain empowerment and control in my life. I want to be understood and have my feelings heard.  Learning to expect chaos has helped, but don't feel it is healthy for me. Just helps me not to push back and not have an argument,  but I can't be heard in the process and it's frustrating to have to live this way.  I would like get practical advice on what to do to help my situation.

Dear 3saw-
I am so so sorry that you're in this position and hurting so much.  I'm very inexperienced at this, but I wanted to respond and let you know that someone is awake and paying attention at this late hour.

More knowledgeable people will respond to you.  But if you haven't yet, I do know that seeing a therapist may help you develop methods to approach your wife so that you can perhaps spend more time with your children.  Maybe take them out for a little nature walk each week - and perhaps present it to your wife by saying that she works so hard and deserves a bit of "me time" to recharge her batteries and just relax.  Just a thought?  I don't mean to over-simplify your situation.  I understand it's very painful and complex.

All my best to you,

Gemsforeyes