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Title: Looking for thoughts on family situation Post by: Phatbear on May 17, 2017, 11:09:45 PM Hi, thanks for this opportunity.
So, ex bro in law is a doozy- i am not a psychiatrist, but it's fair to say he's a narcissist and borderline and sociopath all rolled into one. He is the cult leader of his (young adult) children. He doesn't work. The kids are completely isolated from any of their other family members, including their mom (my sister) whom they "despise". In fact, they despise everyone they are related to on both sides of their family. My sister went through hell- was his #1 true believer until she couldn't keep up with his demands. She is now doing much better but she had a horrible few years recovering. This is all old stuff. For the most part, i have accepted it. I'm certainly not going to try to initiate any contact as old attempts resulted in drama hell and made everything worse. Our mom is 83 years old. She is still in good health, thankfully, but i wonder if she will ever see those grandkids again. They hate her! Hate an 83 year old woman, who is the salt of the earth and the kindest soul one could ever meet. It breaks my heart. She wants to "stick around" long enough to see them come out of it. They are their father's zombies. It is horrible. Eldest- age 29- lives with him and financially supports him. 2 middle boys ages 27 and 24, youngest-girl age 18- all worship him, consider him to be the speaker of truth etc. Is this ever going to end? Will they be enslaved by him forever? What is worse, going through life as your psycho father's puppet, or realizing that you are and dealing with the fallout? Usually i just keep it out of my mind as there is nothing i can do (they reallllly despise me!) and it's just too sad to think about. I'm letting myself think about it tonight though. Any thoughts or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Title: Re: Looking for thoughts on family situation Post by: Kwamina on May 22, 2017, 01:46:08 AM Hi Phatbear
What you describe sounds like quite an unpleasant situation indeed. I understand why this would still be something on your mind and I can imagine how difficult this must also be for your sister. You mention your ex BIL (brother in law) doesn't work. How long has this been so and is it because he can't find work or can't work or perhaps because he does not want to work? Do you perhaps feel like his children are letting themselves be controlled by him out of fear, obligation and/or guilt? Excerpt ... .fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG" are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled. Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate themselves from the controlling behavior by another person and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others. You can read more about this here: Fear, Obligation And Guilt: How We Allow Loved Ones To Control Us (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) Did your ex BIL behave like this from the very start or did he gradually (or abruptly) change at some point? Take care and welcome to bpdfamily |