BPDFamily.com

Hi guys. Im 6 months NC. Doing well but the lying cheating controlling manipulative using undiagnosed BPDexgf of mine thinks it OK to initiate contact with me everytime her and my replacement have a bust up! Its through facebook and i know i should block her but she knows my mobile number off by heart she knows where i live and she knows where i work out and socialise. So i figure why block her. Anyway, i have gone strict on my NC with her since the day she told me she had moved on. She also told me there was no one else she just wanted to concentrate on her kids career etc. But then a few days later i found out she was straight into a full blown r/s with some dude i met twice from her village. As soon as i realised she'd been playing me for a fool i decided NC. But since that day she has contacted me 8 times via facebook. My dilemma now is do i break NC and tell her to stop messaging me or do i just leave it be? I dont wanna get into any conversation with her unless it destroys all the hard work ive done.  As far as i am aware she is still with my replacement. Or monkey chops as i call him. 

Any advice would be  great thanks x

Leave it be. My ex. lives across the street from me, there was a time I blocked her completely but that caused more banging on my doors so I unblocked my home phone and she left many messages that I would just delete. ANY response/attention shows them there is still an attachment in place, only when they see you are not available to them anymore will the contact stop.
Months or even years can pass with no contact and then they might try again, the key is not to respond.

Hi JHKMX,
   From my perspective you seem very aware of her motives and observant. This seems to be a pattern, her reaching out when her replacement is going bust... .
and I think you know what you need to do.  

That rings true for a lot of us on these boards, not all but quite a few... .it's definitely a page from the BPD Playbook (the contacting you when they've pissed off everyone else in their life).

IMO I would not respond. Eventually, she will go away, once something else catches her eye. Be prepared for her to "amp it up" in the interim or try to get your attention by saying things to antagonize or pull a reaction/response as that is what she is looking for. Try not to take it personally and keep in mind it's just a tactic to get immediate gratification and to self-soothe.

For awhile I had three BPD's trying to get me to snap. One did some pretty horrible things at my workplace.  I kept ignoring it and for awhile it really amped up (vicious and damning slander) but I know I do a fantastic job at work and my word would trump hers if I needed to say something.

Eventually she lost interest and focused on a new target.

The hardest part is having to take the high road and ignore it but confronting it and trying to rationalize with someone who is not on the same playing field is fruitless.

I know there will be people who tell you to tell her you don't want to be contacted but in my opinion (and I think yours too) it's just opening the door for more contact which could lead to a recycle attempt or set you back emotionally in your healing.

You sound like you are doing really well. Realize there are lots of manic moments in a BPD's life. Contacting you eight times in one day with no response is not normal. She is cycling. I know it hurts to be cheated on, lied to but keep in mind if she is truly disordered the best thing is to let her go through her cycle and not contribute to her manic behaviors. It's the most compassionate thing you can do for her... .
and most importantly... .
yourself.

Take care of your   first.

PW

Thanks guys. Just for the record PW i meant 8 times since early december not in one day. I arent gonna lie my ex blew me away and i already knew about BPD due to my ex before her ( i actually dont think im codependent). I still think about her more than i should i know that. I think my biggest problem is the fact i never had her down as BPD until the final discard. Over 3 years after being together. She played a cunning manipulation.

It seems like that but manipulation is just part of the illness, it occurs because of the extreme fear of abandonment: partner does what I want and they won't leave me is their thinking. Sad part is the more you show them you won't leave, the more they push you away.