BPDFamily.com

Hi there.  My 17-year old daughter was recently diagnosed with BPD traits.  She just started struggling over the last year and was diagnosed in February.  She is seeing a psychiatrist, is on medication, and is seeing a DBT therapist every week.  Last week she got mad and left the house.  She is staying with friends and refusing to come home.  We are overcome with worry and sadness.  Our family has never been apart.  We are tight.  But now she has left and is saying terrible things about us and how she doesn't feel safe in our house.  We are heart-broken and can't stop crying.  We are having trouble working and taking care of ourselves.  Luckily, our other child is older and can take of herself, but she is also being affected.  We could use as much advice and support as possible.  Thank you. 

Hi Flannery,  

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm sorry hear that, your D17 was just recently diagnosed with a severe mental illness, that has to be difficult for her to absorb and you're family too. I ambassadors glad to hear that you're doing all the right things to help her.

A pwBPD have all or nothing thinking, it's a feature of the disorder, they can't see people as integrated whole, bad people have good qualities or good people have bad qualities, you're either all good or all bad, from the sounds of it she's splitting. Also, feelings equals facts to a pwBPD whereas it's the other way around for us, feelings are followed by facts.

What did she get mad about?

Hello Flannery.  I am so sorry to hear of the heartache that you are suffering.  Your family sounds similar to ours - we were always exceptionally close, did everything together, thoroughly enjoyed each others' company.  Until about a year ago, when similar to your daughter, our daughter, now 20, was angry with us, and moved out with a stranger she met on the internet.  Our lives were also turned upside down and we are still working daily on righting ourselves.  I totally understand your devastation and how just daily functioning becomes difficult.

Do you know the friends that she is staying with?  Are they people that you trust and do you believe that she is at least in a safe place?  If she is, try to take some small comfort in that.  If you are in contact with her, try to practice some of the tools that are listed on the right hand side of this page when you communicate with her.  I know I would have found those tools helpful had I had them when we were in the midst of our early crises with her.

Just please know that you are not alone.  This happens to many good families through no fault of their own.  I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't.  I just wanted you to know that there are many people who understand and care.  Hugs go out to you.