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Title: Confused Post by: notdefeated on May 20, 2017, 08:37:44 PM My wife of a short time is at a facility getting help. She tried committing suicide on Tuesday. We admitted her Wednesday. They have her on new meds that are making her dizzy and tired. They wouldn't let me come visit her. She seemed fine this morning and when I checked to see how she was doing the nurses put her on the phone and she said she didn't want to talk to me and needs to concentrate on herself. Which I agree but I feel like she's pushing me away. And as I read more about it, I'm weary to think it may not of been love but just her BPD that brought us together. I don't know what to think of do. I do know my ultimate goal is to have her alive and happy where ever that may be. Her family will have nothing to do with her since she married me. I know that is very hard for her even thou it's not a healthy family it's the only one she has.
Title: Re: Confused Post by: gotbushels on May 21, 2017, 09:34:06 AM Hi notdefeated
Welcome. It's difficult and painful for one to have a partner admitted to a facility based on what you've shared. Sometimes, when people are recovering from something like this, one of the best things they can do for themselves is to recognise that they're in a process to help themselves. I encourage you to see the two of you as distinct people with distinct needs—even though I know living with a pwBPD can feel quite like you're the same person. Yes, I understand that dysfunction may cause you to guess your feelings of love for each other. Her BPD is part of her personality, but that doesn't mean that there isn't love. I hope you'll continue to read more, but with an additional dose of compassion for her, and for you. You expressed that you'd like to support her. One way the partner can support the pwBPD is through communicating well. Here's a good place to start: https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating I hope to hear more of how your story develops. |