BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

I'm in the UK, so I appreciate the law is different, but the premise is the same. I am married to someone dx with BPD and dissociative psychotic symptoms. He is a high conflict, nothing to loose personality and is currently, such is the trajectory of his illness extremely low functioning.
Over the years he has made all sorts of allegations about me, I was referred to adult safeguarding in 2015 but h withdrew claims when questioned. He has recently been in a respite bed where he again made a series of allegations which had me referred again to adult safeguarding. Again he withdrew the claims when interviewed. He is now home and quite seriously unwell, living he believes as a soldier in a constant state of preparedness for WW3. I heard him on the phone again this morning to his mental health team making all sorts of accusations about my treatment of him. He is absolutely in passive victim mode waiting for services to rescue him from me which of course they won't do. What worries me is if I was on the other end of the phone I would believe him he sounds so plausible it's scary.
I have asked him to find somewhere else to live, he has been saying he wants to move out for the last four months but of course wants someone else to sort it for him.
Do I do anything in relation to the false accusations or just leave them continue and shall I start divorce proceedings with him in the house? We have a 9 yr old son with Aspergers whom I Home Educate.
For some reason I just feel very stuck in not knowing how to proceed, I've been prevaricating because I'm really worried about the escalation of his accusations to professionals. I keep thinking if I just keep quiet he will go away, but he is too unwell for that now and he has a sitting duck to emotionally abuse because of my inability to act.
Any thoughts, legal or otherwise would be most great fully received x

Hi sweetheart.

Although our situations have always been different, we have both been primarily motivated by our children's well being. I am sorry to see you going through this after so much effort to help your husband. 

Have you sought out an attorney yet? The stuck feeling is pretty common, particularly as you have invested a lot of energy and life into trying to salvage the best of a difficult situation. But as you turn your attention to how to end your marriage, momentum will begin to move events in that direction. For me, I reached a point where I knew I did not want to continue with my xw, and I felt uncomfortable lying to her when she asked about anything related to future plans. Once I told her that I wanted a divorce, I thought we would not rush into it but plan for the kids' sakes. That was naive - basically more FOG. She sought out an attorney, made efforts to start controlling how it should go, what was fair to her. I am learning that I need to take care of myself and children, and she is truly on her own.

You need to do this for yourself and your son. Find an attorney. Make certain that they are experienced in litigating cases with BPD/high conflict. Develop a strategy for your exit. Based on what I remember of your situation, you should have nothing but sole custody with your H having only supervised visits. How is your son doing with this?