BPDFamily.com

Urg. Beautiful weather today means BPDx will be out with her family - maybe in the garden, maybe down the beach, either way spending it as a family.

She tells me when she's with her husband she's always thinking of me and wishing it was me there instead.

Is it true? Is it a lie? Who knows at this point.

All I know is it's a beautiful day and I wish I was with her and with a family of our own. If she's thinking of me I want to text and tell her I'm thinking of her and want to be with her.

Stupid I know as it will just make her close off, put up walls and retreat further - and possibly reply telling me to leave her alone (although it's fine for her to text me and get jealous when I'm with female friends).

Must... .not... .text... .

I been there.  A lot!  But been burned so many times by the responses that it left me worse then when I started.  So I started thinking would I rather the pain of deciding to text her or the aftermath if I did?   For me it eventually stopped me. 

Same boat my friend. She invited me down the shore this weekend last week. Then was indecisive. And it's when I blew up at her and called any recycle off. I hate that she's there probably having an amazing time.

So I had a choice. And what I did was go out to breakfast with a friend who understands the situation. He also lost his son to an overdose recently so we are supporting one another. He agreed to be my relationship addiction sponsor as he is in AA . Now I'm going to a flea market downtown with a friend. When I get back I'm going to work out and then sit down to practice guitar (just started yesterday). I wished for a email last night asking me to come down.

But I won't reach out. I know what will happen. It will only cause me pain. I'm sure the same will happen with you. The lovely weather isn't theirs to enjoy alone. We can enjoy it too. I'm trying. But tomorrow I have nothing to do and I know that will hurt me. I plan to post a lot here tomorrow.

Keep your head up. Keep posting and talk yourself logically through what a message will do. Stick with the emotions there and it won't lead to the actual act of communication.

Hi Guy Smiley,

I've been there, too. That urge to reach, at least in my experience, is often an attempt to avoid feeling something. If you can allow yourself to feel the feelings (I recommend focusing on the physical sensations more than the thoughts) then you may find that feeling what is there is not as bad as you thought, and that you don't have to take any action anymore.

What are your plans for the rest of the weekend?

heartandwhole

Same boat here too... .I was supposed to meet his family this month and instead I'm just here alone just thinking of what could have been and how he gave  me up for  a life next to a fake life computer game. 

I have to pretend mine died as we have protection orders u tip July... .it hurts like nothing I have gone thru... .then I remember how he said he hates the heat and the beach and he would often get so ahead of himself using that as an excuse of how we wouldn't work out... .

I wish I could be with him this weekend out at a family event or the zoo ,,,but it can't happen

Same boat as you guys. When we was trying the friend thing last week she said we should go out on Saturday night. She originally planned to with her friend who hesitated so i was second choice. Because i said i didnt want to be the back up plan she immediately changed her mind and then went and arranged a date with a girl online. Obviously she let me know her new plans

So ive been trying to stay busy all weekend and not think about it. Now and again i wonder if they are having fun in the sun but then i remember... .its all an act. They can pretend all they want but inside they are empty and hurting and trying everything they can to feel something.

Just remember. We have our down moments but we are happy.  We understand what love is. They are the opposite. They have their up moments. But the rest of the time they live in hell.

NC now for only 5 days but i feel so good. Because ive blocked her and everyone she knows on social media. Ive blocked any means of contact. So i havent a clue where she is or what shes doing. And it feels good finally!