BPDFamily.com

Hi, My boyfriend was diagnosed with ADHD when he was a child but he is 18 now and we are sure he has BPD or Bi polar disorder. We have broken up so many times, he always comes back. I don't know if I should leave either. He splits so much to the point where I feel worthless but I know he's hurting. Everytime he feels I am going to abandon him he just starts being so mean to me to the point where I can't take it anymore. He for the most part doesn't let me explain anything, we had so many instances and fights where I don't know when enough is enough. I do love him so much. But right now we aren't technically together together. He broke up with me the last week in April because we were fighting about college. He is leaving for California and I'm staying in New York. He was so set on long distance but after that he was just stressed. When we fight I can tell he gets out of control to the point where he doesn't even know what he's saying. Last month when we were together he told me to record him saying he loved me and he always wanted me to be with him, and he wanted me to play that back for him when he got out of control. The next day he was saying the exact opposite that he was saying to me he didn't wanna feel limited with girls. When I played the recording back to him it was as if he didn't say it. I don't know what to do. We have been through so much it's crazy. His parents don't like me because they see everything I do as bad when all I do is care about him. I think the worst is when he gets angry because idk what he's capable of, he onece got mad at me so bad and he was unstoppable. Nothing really that physical he just pushed me but his words were the worst, he couldn't even contain himself infront of my Mom, he said so many hurtful things infront of her that I couldn't believe and none of them were true. Now he just wants to "see where things go" with me he doesn't want to be with me yet. We have almost been together for a year. He just acts crazy. We have been here before to the point where I left him because he said he didn't wanna try and be with me  because it wasn't worth it but he was calling me back 2 weeks later after I ignored him telling me he we wrong and he couldn't live without me. He has so much good with in him. I know in this I just focused on the bad but he is a good guy he is just suffering from his emotions. He goes from extreme highs to lows. I spend nights with him when he's crying on FaceTime and all I wanna do is support him but at the same time I wanna feel worth it.  But I was hoping for some of your advice and to hear more about what you guys went through. I don't know what to do. I love him so much.

Hi, Stargreene, welcome to the family!

It pains me to hear about your struggles. It hurts at all ages, but so young the things of the heart hurt a lot.

With BPD we have to look things in a new way. We have to learn new things that don't come natural to us. What we have been doing with all our good faith, with loving care , with intuition, and common sense... .Often makes things worse, and we feel like we can't do anything right.

How can I explain... .When they are upset, they comunicate things that are not accurate. It's like a car that when runs out of gas, a light saying "there is no oil" comes up. If you, naturaly, pour more oil, you don't fix anything, and the car, if anything, runs worse than before.

It makes us sad and desperate, we only want to support them and love them, I know. Those fights that escalate no matter what you say, those were the things that hurt me the most. And that can go way down. With patience, start reading about the basic tools, validating his feelings and stop explaining and thinking you have to fix the situation change things a lot.

My gf, when she is calmed, often tells me: Not even I can understand what was happening to me, no wonder how you couldn't, and it's not fair that I demanded that you did something to fix it.  WE are not gonna fix anything, but not making it worse it's a big step, and that, we can do.

You can talk and be understood and validate your own difficulties here. Also, if you can have support from family and friends, that is great. Your loved one, will be able to support you only at times. He can love you to pieces, but he's not always himself, sometimes the pain is too strong to be himself.

Good luck and keep posting.