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It's been awhile since there has been a high level of drama or conflict, but in some ways, I feel more frustrated than I have in awhile.   

This is tough to explain, because I don't write down examples in the moment.   It seems as though every interaction these days is a form of conflict, even when I have said or done nothing wrong. 

If I say something to them and they aren't listening, what they heard often is nothing like what I've said.   If I say, ":)oes pizza sound good tonight?  We should get some?" they might respond with "Why would you say I hate pizza, you know I like pizza.  Just because I don't want it every night like you doesn't mean I don't?" 

Another reaction I'm used to, but seems to be happening more and more at innocuous times is the complete misreading of what I actually said or reading more into it.   If I say "are you going to bed?" because I see them doing normal preparations for bed, the reaction is "why?  Are you trying to get rid of me?" 

There are also the simple conversation makers that turn into conflict. 
Me:   "Look at this kid.  Doesn't she look like your nephew?" 
Them:  "No.  They look nothing like her.  How do you see that?" 
Me: (Feeling defensive about something I really didn't care anything about) The eyes.  The eyes look similar. 
Them:  ":)on't see it at all." 

It's all silly stuff, and I don't know if it's necessarily BPD behavior, but it's frustrating. I truly want to have a decent relationship, but I feel like I've viewed as a roommate at best, and an adversary at worst, even in the simplest of moments and the most throwaway of conversations. On the few times I've tried to address it, it's never gone well.    As tense as our relationship has been at times, I never felt like I completely got on my SO's nerves like I do now.   

Wow - this thing exactly defined the last few months of my relationship. Eventually there was a catastrophic event that forced the end, but there were a few months of constant small criticisms that wore me down.

Me: (joking about my son's shoulder length hair) "I laughed and told him to get a haircut!

PwBPD: "I like his hair. Why have you always hated his hair?"

Or

Me: (in response to his inquiry as to which color jacket he should purchase for his son) "I really like the blue one... ."

Him: "I think he prefers green." (Purchasing green one... .)

Or

Me: "why don't we do the meat sauce today and the chicken Friday... ." (in response to being asked my preference for dinner)

Him: "I feel like chicken" (seriously, why did you ask?)

All day long... .

Sorry - it really sucks. Your frustration is normal. 

I think some days will just always be Taming of the Shrew - with the Shrew winning.  The sky will be green no matter what you say.  They will be contrary just because. 

I know my partner has days (or sometimes weeks) that are relatable to this.  Sometimes it can be really confusing for me.  But I've noticed that I usually find out she's been "sitting on" an emotion for a while; either avoiding the emotion itself or avoiding talking about it. 

For example... .we had about 6 weeks of her getting upset over "little things", or even seeming to get upset over nothing at all.  At the end of that 6 weeks, we had a public "blow up", and that's when I found out she'd been avoiding talking about something that had been bugging her for some time.  All those "little things" were NOT the REAL issue at all; it's just that the REAL issue was sitting there silent and causing her to be severely irritable! 

In DBT class, they are teaching her the difference between "justified" emotions and "unjustified" emotions.  The "real issue" was very justified- she had every right to be upset about it, and it was something we needed to adjust in our relationship (and did, successfully).  But all those "little things" were mostly "unjustified", which was why they confused me (and probably why they are confusing you, perhaps?)

BPD's have a very hard time communicating their needs effectively.  In regards to the "real issue" in my example:  she had been "trying" to communicate her need to me for 6 weeks, but she'd been ineffective at it.  She'd been "dropping hints" instead of being blunt.  She'd been saying, "It would be nice if _____ happened eventually/one-of-these-days... ." instead of saying, "I need this to happen by ______ date."  It was like she needed someone's permission to be REAL about her needs, and we've discussed that at length since then.  I've told her, "I will NEVER judge you for expressing a need, I promise.  I might say "no", but I promise I'll do it with empathy and compassion."  And since then, she's gotten much better at expressing needs in a "REAL" and concrete way.

I have found that MOST issues with my partner boil down to communication errors.  Either one or BOTH of us was communicating ineffectively. 

The only advice I have is try to pay closer attention when they DO try to communicate a need.  Maybe ask some probing questions (if they are open to that) to try and clarify their need.  You might find they are dropping hints you're simply not picking up.  And that's NOT your "fault", or even their "fault".  No one is to "blame", but there are things we can do as partners to help the communication become clearer. 

But I wonder if any of that rings true for you?  Could there be a bigger (and perhaps justified) emotion under the surface they are simply avoiding?  Sometimes I ask myself the following questions, and maybe it will help some others too:

Has she had any recent nightmares or flashbacks that could have contributed to her irritability? 
Is her job more stressful than normal right now?
Is there anyone in her life causing her abnormal stress right now?  (Another family member or friend)
Did she eat today?  (You'd be surprised how much skipping meals can affect emotions)
Is she ailing from anything physically?  (Even a sprained ankle can make emotions more difficult to manage)
Have there been any major changes lately?  (New job, new school, new ANYTHING can affect emotions)

Hope this helps :)  Good luck!