BPDFamily.com

Funny story: yesterday while ustbxBPDw was out I went into the bedroom where she hermits herself as our divorce unfolds to fetch a shirt from the closet. I spy a shopping bag tucked by the bed; hmm, what's that? The bag is open at the top revealing 7-8 little boxes. I pull one out & take a look. Inside are Truffoire and Lionesse skin care products, fillers, & peels. Now I'm intrigued so I look one up: the Volcanic Activiating Serum. Surprise! It costs $1,500! I go back and check another: $1,000. Another: $2,500. In total, there was $6,766 in luxury skincare products in that little bag.

Given that our house has been underwater for 10 years (hooray housing bubble!), we have over $15,000 in credit card debt, and we have always lived hand-to-mouth to make ends meet due to her underemployment, this is not something you would typically find in our house. She has also asked (through her lawyer) for me to pay ALL expenses & bills while the divorce unfolds. My income could only pay for about 2/3 of our expenses, and she is sitting on approx $100k in savings from an inheritance.

It was her birthday in late May so I'm left with 3 scenarios:
1) She engaged in some birthday retail therapy and is impulsively burning through her savings.
2) Her step-father splurged and bought the products for her birthday. It would be out of character for him; he is usually more practical and financially cautious, but he would have the means to do it.
3) She has a sugar daddy.

Any bets? It seems like an odd time to load up on luxury items. I mean, whether they are a gift or not, she could sell them on eBay to help pay expenses. Our credit cards are shut down and she didn't use our joint bank account which only has a minimum balance for auto-pay bills.

I told myself I wouldn't be surprised by anything she does any more ... .wrong!
Dissections welcome.
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RP

You might want to document that... .what she bought and for how much.

I would take pictures of each and price it out. It might be useful in court or during negotiations. Keep it until you need it.

First thing I did.  |iiii
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RP

Was there a receipt? You might be able to tell whose card paid for it.

No receipt or record of a purchase from any accounts I have access to.

We all anticipate she will plead poverty.

Facepalm.

www.gph.is/1TVtTwU

My xw similarly got rung up for $7000+ in skin care/facial products. She was on a trip to Hawaii for a writer's workshop (don't ask), and she decided that getting an expense paid trip to Hawaii was not enough - she deserved more. So, she ended up having a team of sales people flatter the hell out of her, swear upon a stack of bibles the unbelievable savings that she was being gifted and max'd out our credit card. It would have been $10,000 if the airfare and hotel and what not hadn't already been charged to the card. In MC, she said that she was following the counselor's advice to practice self-love. 

Honestly, the selfishness of it and her unwillingness to frame it as anything but affirming herself was the kick in the butt that I needed to wake up that there was no hope for her. That she willing spent our remaining savings after previously draining it to self publish her book and start her website made it clear that even her own children and their college fund meant nothing to her. Really disgusting behavior from an adult, but then, we are not really dealing with adults - just willful, destructive children.

An update in the case of the high-end beauty products:

I found a business card and attached contact info of the salesman from the "Lionesse Beauty Bar" in Las Vegas where stbxuBPDw got the beauty products. It is now more apparent that she bought the goods herself. Still no actual receipt. A quick yelp search brought up many stories of the high-pressure techniques of the Lionesse salespeople. Looks like she fell for it.

What did she buy, T&S?

In a related story, she continues to refuse to pay for a portion of the mortgage, utilities, or expenses. She did agree to pay half of D15's athletic activity fees, but is two weeks late on her portion. She is in full on hermit mode at home. She buys limited groceries for herself and makes sure to label them with her name.

At least this behavior is helping clear my FOG.  I'm feeling better about myself and hopeful for my future outside of the chaos of a r/s with her. The divorce process still sucks, but I am acknowledging glimmers of light.
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RP

My wife fell for the high pressure sales tactics of Tresor Rare in Lahaina, Maui. It really infuriated me that they preyed on my mentally ill wife, took college money away from my innocent sons, everything about it. She bought masks, face creams, miracle anti-aging stuff that would only work on people "with the right kind of skin." It was shamelessly predatory, and I kind of hope that karma pays those salespeople a fine return for their cruelty.

But it was my wife's refusal to apologize in MC that broke the camel's back. She called the MC stating how upset she was about the incident and wanted the counselor to help us work it out. I think she was afraid that I was going to leave her, then and there, which I obviously should have done ... .which any rational person would have done. But in MC, she reversed course, manipulated the MC into empathy statements, and turned right around and said, not sorry, she'd do it again, she was worth it, she was investing in herself from now on. She had the decency to do her makeovers mostly out of my sight, and I had the decency not to throw all of it in the trash, which I felt like doing every time I saw it. I honestly could not look at those masks in the refrigerator without seeing how willing she was to betray me and her children in a heartbeat for whatever floated her boat that moment.

Those salespeople told her the face creams contained powdered gems and precious substances in it. I felt so much sadness and revulsion when she came clean to tell me how much she spent and why it meant so much to her. For some reason, this one thing, more than all the abuse, anger, etc. crystallized just how sick my wife was (is), how sick our marriage was. It's sad, but it is not my illness. I have my own faults to address, but I just couldn't continue on with hers.