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This is kind of a success story with a twist... .

For the first full year she was in treatment, my partner was incredibly "clingy".  She didn't want to leave the house without me.  She got really freaked out if I didn't answer her texts right away.  She couldn't even shower alone.  We even worked the same job with the same hours.  You get the idea.

Well, I had never been a co-dependent type of person before.  In fact, I was both an only child AND an only grandchild.  So I had to learn to be independent at a very early age.  Being alone had never really bothered me; in fact that is why I started writing at such an early age (I write fiction).  Don't mind revealing- I'm 42 years old now.  So, for over 40 years, I managed to be happily independent. 

(Having said that... .) 

I was always independent, but I have also always been a very emotional, sensitive, and intimate person.  Once I know a person well and have determined that I like them, I will want to know EVERYTHING about them and hug them every time I see them.

On top of that, I have always had anxiety disorder.  It is mostly genetic and from my Grandma, but some of it was learned (also through my Grandma).  The learned part resulted in phobias that my Grandma herself suffered from, such as tornadoes, driving, and being in crowds.

SO... .now my partner has been in treatment for over a year, and suddenly she is learning to be independent.  She is not afraid to leave the house by herself anymore.  In fact, she is in training to become a manager at work.  Our boss told me that once she is certified AS a manager, I will have to find a new place to work.  So we will not be working together much longer.  And suddenly, she doesn't get upset if I don't answer her messages right away.  In fact, she doesn't always message ME back right away when I text HER.  Sometimes, it takes her hours (because she's in training at work).

This should be GREAT news, right?  I should be patting her on the back and saying, "Well done, my love!  Doesn't feel wonderful to be standing on your own two feet?"  Right?

And I am, to a degree.  Because I do logically understand that this is what we've been shooting for all along, and that this is what is healthy and right for BOTH of us.  When she first started treatment, it was one of the things I listed as my hopes for her!

But to another degree I am down in the dumps.  I'm feeling "left behind".  I get my own feelings hurt when she doesn't text back for a while.  And I feel this sudden fear that she's going to get "so much better" that she will decide she doesn't need me AT ALL anymore. 

To be honest, I find it oddly amusing more than I do terrifying.  It CAN be terrifying at times (otherwise I wouldn't be writing this).  But mostly I just find myself laughing at the terror.  After all, THIS IS WHAT I WANTED.  It makes no logical sense to me why it would come with so much FEAR, and yet... .it does.  Every day lately, I have to talk this fear down in my head; reminding myself that she has no intention of "leaving me behind", that being independent is good for both of us, and that it doesn't mean we're going to lose our connection as a couple. 

What I'm wondering is: has anyone else encountered this?  Was it more terrifying or more amusing?  And, what kinds of things did YOU do to talk the fear down?

I can relate to this so much. Things are going well for the BPD person, everything seems toi be on the up, and then this griping fear comes that you aren't necessary any more. Well, you may not be necessary in exactly the same way - at least at present - and it means dropping old comforting habits - both actions ant thoughts - and redfining yourself and your relationship. At least that is how it is going with me. I actually even talked to BPD person about it - and he has mostly been very good at trying to include me and make me feel wanted. With the occasional exception. However, I realise that my fears have mostly to do with myself and the unhealthy habits I have got into... and I don't even want to give BPD person the blame. I keep searching back to find out where it all came from. I keep looking round to see other models of realtionships. Sometimes it feels like a chance, sometimes a threat - but I'm working on trying out a new ME.
The threat part is there - but actually it may be that it comes as much from us as we mutate as from our BPD people. I don't find it particularly amusing - my personal response to the fear is physical and it actually makes me feel ill. A mild smile is about all I can muster.
I sincerely hope you have loads more opportunity to laugh about it. And thanks for posting - it's a relief to find someone in the same position.

I've got a general thought for you:

When one partner goes through an emotional growth spurt, it changes the dynamic in the couple... .with the result generally being that it puts pressure on the other partner. This pressure will often eventually push the other partner toward their own growth. With pauses in between, this can go through quite a few cycles.

Your partner really made some progress when she got over being "clingy".

You had been very used to that from her... .now you have to adjust.

NOTE: "Adjust" makes it sound like an easy, minor thing. It often isn't. Feeling uncomfortable and upset is probably par for the course.

Anxiety fears feed on the unknown. Historical independence means you are used to being in control of your environment.

Your environment is now changing, and you have no control over it. Hence it triggers your anxiety.

When that change is at the hands of a pwBPD then that very unpredictability tied to the often extremes pwBPD take things makes your fears even more real.

Its like when your first child gets a driving license, you are proud, then borrows your car on his first night out with friends. You are proud of their independence but are anxious about whether they will be responsible with it or not.

Your wife's independence is her shiny new toy. She needs to learn boundaries with it before she breaks it.