BPDFamily.com

Hi!

So I actually just found this board while reading the book "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" and figured that this would be the perfect place to reach out regarding my lack of resources dealing with fathers specifically. I am a therapist, so I know that the male population of borderlines is much smaller. I guess what I am really looking for is something to help me process feelings of sadness, guilt, confusion, and anger that I've been having due to the recent realization of my father's personality disorder. I have an appointment with a therapist on Thursday but am looking for a workbook or journaling prompt in the mean time. I recently started the book "Surviving a Borderline Parent" and  although I found the exercises extremely helpful, I have a lot more to process regarding the emotional/psychological abuse I experienced before I move on to addressing the present or future. Although I was always aware of my fathers behavior and previously thought he was borderline, I guess the beginning of a "breakthrough crisis" started when I watched him turn from Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde and verbally abuse my husband. This experience opened my eyes to the confusion and pain I experienced as a child when he acted in that manner. Which led me to these books and now this post... .I am looking to heal from the pain I have experienced. I have an appointment with a therapist on Thursday but would appreciate any feedback, recommendations, resources. Thank you!

Thank you in advance for an support or feedback!

Hey Hope1234:   
Welcoming to the Community!
I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your dad.  My father had some strong BPD traits.  He passed recently and my mom passed 4 months after he did.  The stress caused my sister to split me black and exhibit enough BPD traits to unofficially qualify as a high-functioning BPD.  That led me to counseling and on my own journey to understand the puzzle of BPD.

You might find the Survivor's Guide, in the right-hand margin helpful.  When I was in discovery mode, my therapist suggested I read the book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  I think it is a newer version of "The Essential Family Guide. . .".  There is a workbook available for "Stop Walking of Eggshells".  I got the Kindle version. 
  Did something happen before your father became abusive?  A difference of opinion on something?  invalidation?

Has your dad been treated for any mental health issue in the past?  Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, etc.?

Unfortunately, we can't change those with BPD or BPD traits.  The only thing we can do is set boundaries and make things better for ourselves by the way we interact with them and react to them.  When you are ready, there are lots of helpful communication strategies and tactics that can be helpful to you. The "Lessons" thread, at the top of the thread line up, and the "Tools Menu" within the large green band at the top of the page are good places to start.