BPDFamily.com

I have been the victim, yes definitely victim of a BPD husband for almost 30 years now.  I wanted to be married with children and ignored some little red flags so long ago. In my case it started like a slow drip of a faucet, barely noticed it at first. By the time I realized I was drowning it was too late. I am now at the point where i dont trust my own thoughts instead hearing his words, "I am evil, a cheater, a terrible mother etc... ." the list goes on and on. His misery and all the trouble in the marriage is my fault.  Oh to live life in his world where he is blameless and perfect. 

Leaving is the hard part. Trust me i have tried it. First i got conned into coming back with the sorry sorry i wont do it again. That got me back twice.  Then the money control and lack of funds to pick up and start over as he drained my account brought me back once again.  Finally the last time it was the kids.  I really didn't see that one coming. He played on their emotions. But mom dad said he was sorry, he will change and be better, he will get help.

And now here I am, I feel like my life has been stolen. I feel so broken and unsure of myself. He will never see things the way the world sees them.  He cannot accept the wrongs he has done to me. I can never change his view on anything. That part is so hard to accept.  CANT YOU SEE YOU ARE BEING A MEAN ABUSIVE ASSHOLE?  But no he never will.  it is beyond his capabilities.  This BPD will not allow him to see any of it.

My advice to anyone realizing they are in a BPD relationship.  Run go dont look back just get the hell out. It wont get better.  It cant get better.  Leave while you can still have a good life with normal things like love and kindness.

Call the cops next time he's verbally abusive. You don't have to press charges. It'll just give him the wake up call he needs. It'll call attention to him and he will be forced to control himself, which he can do, if he has to.  I am in a similar boat and stay because of how he'll manipulate my grown kids. Read about splitting. As tired as you are, make your own deal. If he won't let you leave, make your stay more
Comfortable for you. Get a new couch. Buy yourself some flowers. Get a nice loud parrot!

Hey lifeontheedge, I'm sorry that you are feeling victimized.  Most of us ignored red flags, too, so give yourself a break.  Those w/BPD are generally unable to take responsibility for their actions, which is why it's common for them to shift the blame to the Non, which gets it off their plate and onto yours.  Suggest you decline to take on the blame.  What are you doing for yourself?  Have you considered boundaries, at least as an interim step?  What would you like to see happen?  As you stand up more for yourself, I predict you will feel less like a victim.

LuckyJim