BPDFamily.com

I am a 50 year old man and my therapist, in the first session, said it sounds like your mother has BPD.  He continued to tell me that his opinion was not a diagnosis of my mother - but my stories suggest characteristics of a mother that has BPD.  In fact, after researching it myself - all nine characteristics describe my mother's behavior.

I have felt confused, lost, hurt, and angry among many other emotions for years.  My mother's love was conditional - that was not confusing and I have know this for years.  The reasons for seeing my therapist were not my mom.  However, it was this sense of self loathing.  Funny he kept poking at the mom card the first few sessions.

Now - what to do?

sonofaBPD2017!

Read and learn as much as you can. See what validates your experience and what comes up for you as truth or not. Check it and process with your therapist as you go. I wish you much grace and peace on your journey of discovery, with friends who can support you with a listening ear along the way.

Hey sonofaBPD2017:   

Welcome to the Community!

I'm sorry that you have been dealing with some heavy emotions, but I am glad that you are consulting a therapist.  It must have been difficult for you, through the years, to deal with a mom whose love is conditional.

Is your father still alive?  How were things with him, while growing up?  Has your mom ever had therapy or been treated for a mental condition (perhaps depression or anxiety)?

When a parent has a personality disorder, it's common for them to be very critical and invalidating. 

Are you able to share some examples of her "conditional love"?  Does she lay on a lot of FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt)  (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog)

Have you tried to set some BOUNDARIES  (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries) with her?

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