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Why is it that my daughter only tells ME that she's going to kill herself?  Every time she has a bad day, she tells me she's ready to end her life. She leaves subtle (and not so subtle) suicide notes here and there. While I spend my day trying not to panic and using all the skills I've learned in my own therapy for her BPD ways, she is completely normal to everyone else. No one else gets these messages. Only me. WHY? Because I'll put up with it? Because she hates me? Because she trusts me? Uhhhhggg... .so exhausting.  She's 21 and in DBT but her therapist acts like this is typical behavior. I'm so pissed off because eventually my heart is surely going to stop reacting and not care anymore. That hurts the most.

Unfortunatley for BPD sufferers it is normal behaviour  
She comes to you about these things, because you are her security blanket.
She knows that no matter what you are going to be there for her.
She might not act like it sometimes, but she does love you and she does know that you are the only one that will ALWAYS support her unconditionally.

When my daughter has her bad days , i really try to sit her down and ask what is bothering her, did something happen? did someone say something? It usually works to get her to talk things out , even if it isn't reality.
Then we go through lists of what are the positives about her.
Good luck

Hi mother bear


I know what you're saying here. It's called Detaching with love. It's incredibly difficult state to get to but believe me when I say it is possible. It's not that I don't care any more as I love my DS dearly, its about understanding that I had to let go so he could grow. I've found that I love my DS more freely through focussing on my own life and learning as much as I could about BPD, anxiety and depression.

What sorts of things do you do to help you stop panicking when she tells you?

Hugs to you.

LP