BPDFamily.com

I'd been out of a r/s with my uBPDex officially for a couple of weeks after a month or so of trying to make it work after our initial breakup, which included her acting in a traumatizing way and me not being willing to live with her anymore and needing some space. That big episode was after the culmination of smaller ones over time, and was the straw that broke the camel's back as it were.

After that initial breakup, at first she was VERY apologetic and wanted to do whatever she could to make things work. Then it became more about about us both needing to work. Then it became mostly my fault. Then I became the most horrible loser on the planet and she was lucky to have dodged a bullet, and the harassment began.

Back and forth between long, degrading, hurtful texts -- and then of course, once in a while a nice one to keep me reading them.

The other night she sent me pictures of her with a new guy shes been seeing along with more hurtful texts.

So I blocked her, everywhere, social media and her phone number itself from my phone. No more texts, no more calls, no more anything. I can't take this kind of pain.

This is liberating and exciting and I'm feeling like finally I can escape her toxic grip.

... .But there's still a part of me that feels guilty about it, even though my head says that's ridiculous.

... .And there's also a part of me that is worried what she might do now to "take it up a notch" since she can't get her anger out that way anymore.

I'm feeling conflicted about this decision, but I feel like the harassment and emotional abuse seemed to be escalating so much that I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm trying to be the bigger person and not engage with this behavior, and I know that's the best thing to do, but why does it feel so uncomfortable?

Hi Owen,

Good choice with self protection.


It's uncomfortable to have to block someone that you cared a lot about, did you think that it would have to come down to this? You have to give yourself what she can't give to you, the space and time to heal and detach.

When it devolves to this, you have to walk away.

I certainly never did think it would come down to this - the pain of knowing somebody wanted to hurt me that much was where I had to draw the line.


It helps to read this. It feels right - but there's a part of me that questions that. It's so hard to let go. I never would have thought that I would still feel so attached to somebody who can make me feel so terrible and devalued.