BPDFamily.com

My (ex)girlfriend whom I have known for 5 years and have dated 2 years, is most probably suffering from BPD. She has a big reason to have it- her messed up childhood... .broken family and domestic violence.
- She has spurts of anger which she can absolutely can't control.
- She has a love-hate relationship with people around her... .her emotional maturity is actually is of a 10 year old
- She is a serial cheater... she recently cheated on me and in her previous relationship she was basically cheating from day one. In her previous relationship, she had 5 different affairs in a matter of 4 years.

Look, when she is happy she is intoxicatingly wonderful. She is gorgeous. She is lovely. She emanates the most sensual feminine energy. Laughing, smiling, intelligent, wise, she filled the room with joy. When she was not, well, you know.
The hardest thing about all this? I desperately want to help her but I cant. Despite what I’ve written I really do love her… I considered her as my future wife, not a mere GF.
I want her to acknowledge that she has a problem and that she should seek help. I want her to grow and become a stable adult. I want to see her succeed and have great friends (she has none... or one Amar maybe but that relationship is also marred with cheating). I hope time or a miracle will suffice to bring her to her senses.
I am completely broken by the news... it was a shock because I thought her cheating days are over and she was immature earlier now she is a different person. She used to keep saying that she loved me so much ... .and then suddenly she has now flipped.
Most difficult time of my life.
It was a textbook example of an emotionally abusive relationship where I have to walk on eggshells all the time but I still miss her.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

They don't change, only get worse. I read somewhere 'the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.'

Hi pqowie,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that you were cheated on, that's painful. It is possible that she has BPD, we're not professionals and can't diagnose, only a professional can do that.

What we can look at are BPD traits and we can have boundaries based around BPD behaviors. I read some traits, cheating is not a criterion, some pwBPD don't cheat. Risky behavior with sex, gambling, drinking is a criterion for BPD.


I felt the same way about my exuBPDw, I wanted her to get better, I felt a deep sadness, I had to come to the realization that she's a grown adult and I can't control her, the only thing that I can control is my thoughts and feelings.

I want to echo jambley, I understand the logic when we want a loved one to snap out of it or come to their senses, BPD is ingrained in someone's personality, and your personality is a difficult thing to change. That sounds pretty grim, you can recover from BPD if the person wants to change and do the work. That's something that's personal and we can't coax someone to do that.

She cheated on you time and time again.

Cut the emotional ties.

Move on.

When you get to this point, a year or two later, you'll hate her for hurting you.

She's selfish.

pqowie welcome!

I can relate to many of the things you said. Those conflicted feelings of loving someone so much but the logic behind it makes you scratch your head.

I also understand the need to want to help her. I wanted to help my ex so badly. I still do. I want her to wake up and see what she had and what she threw away because of abandonment fears that would have never come true. But as mutt said, we can't do that. As painful as it is.

It's okay to feel your feelings. No matter how she treated you you still have every right to grieve, be angry, be sad, feel guilty, etc. Just remember to not dwell on the thoughts surrounding the situation. With practice, and it will be a lot of practice, you can begin to focus on the emotion and not the thoughts surrounding it. The thoughts will drive you crazy. Trust me... .I know.

Hang in there. Keep sharing, reading posts, reading the literature. You are amongst people who understand.