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So I have no idea what my ex is saying about me to my replacement... .but it seemed like she was cordial with me during the split... .she was polite (for her) not compassionate, but she wasn't mean either... .is it possible that I am actually in a grey zone with her ATM? Not that it matters at all, I'm just trying to figure stuff out of curiosity... .it seemed like her boyfriend before me was painted grey too... .like she said she never liked him and he was an ass, but that's not that bad considering some things that I have heard her say in the past... .just curious, not struggling with this concept.

Hi Emotions,

Your post has me theorising.  As far as I can see, we all have a sliding scale when it comes to our of opinions of others' qualities.  Some are kind, some are extremely kind and selfless for example.  I'd expect that within the scale of painted black there will be different extremes depending on the individual and the degree to which they are perceived as having wronged or abandoned. 

When I think back to my ex, he would be way more passionate when describing some of the people on his black list than others so maybe if I fall into the less passionate narrative when he now describes me to others, that would equate me to your painted grey concept?  As in, whilst I'm on the black list he's also able to acknowledge positive things about me or the r/s.  I've actually no idea where I sit as I don't care to know but I think I see what you're suggesting.  Do correct me if I'm off base!

Love and light x

It's tough. I don't think she's bad mouthed me to anyone. My coworker who is her friend told me she texted her the other day. So either she doesn't knw we broke up or my ex told her it was amicable. When we recycled her family seemed t be pleased and even a month ago she said they wanted me to come down the shore.

I remember her mom calling her ex before me an a-hole. So I dunno. Maybe she realizes i did treat her really well. Or maybe she's waiting to tell the new guy when he comes along about my verbal abuse. Who knows. I think when I fully stop caring is the day I'll be free. It's happening slowly.