BPDFamily.com

Morning
I've been ignoring my moms texts for about two weeks now- now I'm getting letters in the mail- going back over the texts/ letters she repeats " you wish I died"
Background is my dad died 14 years ago- suddenly and she went off the deep end- she became the victim and now her life revolves around poor me- I'm the only one who suffers and no one understands!
I know the no contact can't continue- because I would like to attend family functions with out drama- but I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed ( I'm allready getting Facebook messages from her friends) I'm also afraid that she will show up here- we live about 2 hours apart. I don't know what to do- I need advice.
The NC is as bad as contact- I'm on high alert waiting for the next crazy thing she will do- my  college age kids are afraid to post stuff on Facebook because these is fall out from that-- you know like- you should have called me, you never tell me anything, I love you so much and you don't even care about me, ... .
I'm trying hard to understand the fear of abandonment- but the words and behavior make me need distance-
How do I find a therapist to talk to- should  I look for one that specializes in  BPD? I've been looking on line but I'm not sure what type of therapist would be best

Hey  mntsmith:    

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with your mom.  Was there a specific event that led you to go NC?
Best to just ignore the Facebook messages from her friends.  You don't want to get into a drama triangle with them.  I believe there is a way to restrict them, without blocking them, but perhaps it might be best to block your mom's friends. (nothing good will come from their interaction).  BPD mixed with Facebook is a recipe for disaster.

Perhaps it might be wise to practice what you might say or do, if your mom were to show up on your doorstep.  What would she likely say/do?  Would she be verbally or physically?abusive?

 For some people, it might depend on their insurance and what choices they have within certain limitations.  If you will be paying out of pocket, then you can have more options.  It might be helpful for you to find a therapist who has some experience with treating personality disorders.   Most psychologist (with a PHD), should be able to help you, even if personality disorders aren't their main focus.

What are your goals for therapy? Do you just want to understand BPD and your mom (and perhaps deal with FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt), do you want to manage your own possible anxiety and/or depression.  

If you are in the US, the link below can help you search for a therapist.  After you enter your zip code, you will be connected with another page where you can narrow your search.  If you click the "additional" button, on the categories, you will find "personality disorders".
FIND A THERAPIST (https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/)

Welcome Mtnsmith! 

I'd like to join NaughtyNibbler in welcoming you to our online family. Thank you for sharing your frustrations and concerns with us.

There is a link which may help you to understand some of what is going on with your mom.

 BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=70931.0[b)

And one more:

 What is fear of abandonment?  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=47237.0[b)

It is such a great challenge to navigate the rough waters that a relationship with a BPD presents.

What do you think about the worshop links?

 
Wools