BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I'm not sure how to do this but ok. I'm not neurotypical as I've suffered trauma in the past so I have PTSD and anxiety. So, when other people are going through these things, I understand. However, I do not have BPD and I don't have a deep understanding of how my friend is treating me. I guess I would call this a "flare up" because normally, she handles her BPD really well. She doesn't see anybody anymore but she used to but I've never known her while she was seeing anybody. She's not medicated and usually she is perfectly fine, nurturing, and kind. I've been friends with her for two years now and we are very close. Recently, she's started exhibiting troubling behavior. It was brought to my attention that nearly everything that she says to me while we're in conversations directly contradicts me or is condescending. She has kind of always been like this but it's becoming a constant barrage of insults and making fun of me for stupid stuff in front of people that matter a lot to me (my friends/my sister/my boyfriend). It's hard to pick out a specific comment but it usually has something to do with one-upping me whether it be how I take care of my body, what bands I know/listen to, or just generally putting me down for being "stupid". Logically, I know that I'm not stupid. I have a degree, I've always felt that I have my head on my shoulders and I know that she cares about me but it feels the opposite recently. How can somebody that cares about me use all of my insecurities against me ALL THE TIME. It doesn't stop. I've just been avoiding being around her and I feel like there has to be a better way to deal with it all. My worst fear is that she never actually cared about me and she's just manipulating me to keep me "in-check" as her little sidekick that drives her places and introduces her to hot boys. What do I do to make this situation more bearable? I'm avoiding my own house and my best friend because her constant barrage of condescending comments are affecting my self esteem and also affecting how I treat other people. Do I just continue to avoid the house and wait for it to blow over or do I tell her to get help or do I just tell her, "hey, this is how you're making me feel recently and it's not ok"? HELP

Hi anOKfriend,

Welcome to the boards! ,

I'm learning that direct, kind communication is the best way to be. Avoiding a situation does not fix it or make it better. Share with her that you don't like it when she does X. Say it in a way that isn't attacking, but instead is focused on how it makes you feel. She may disagree. She may get angry, but you have said what you need to say for yourself.