BPDFamily.com

Has anyone read books for kicking addictions that they think could be helpful for stopping thought patterns that happen after a BPD breakup? I am no contact and am seeing someone else but sometimes find myself ruminating about the BPD ex in ways that are probably very similar to what someone goes through when they are kicking an addiction so i figure tricks that are used for addicts could be helpful. Thanks.

Hi caughtnreleased,


I haven't read any books on this specific topic, however the thing that has been most useful to me in combating this is the top ten beliefs that can get you stuck in the following article:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality (https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality)

I've read this over and over, especially when I initially was hanging onto many of these beliefs and sort of had to re program my brain a bit... .  You may well have looked at it many times yourself but if not I hope it's helpful.  Do let us know if you come across any literature that isn't already mentioned on the site which fits the bill of what you're looking for.  Hope you are doing well in the new r/s.  How long have you been with the new partner?

Love and light x

It's called "how to break your addiction to a person". I'll admit. I haven't been able to finish it yet. It makes you look at yourself. I don't think I'm ready to confront the finality of it all. It helped me gain insight into my inner hurt child and stuff. Bit for me, I kept reading the scenarios thinking "why didn't they both try harder." "They just gave up so easily!" Etc. Butif youre really looking to dig deep it's a good one.

Another one for helping you heal, not necessarily addiction based, is called "the kind self-healing book". It's a hard one too as you have to put work in and dig in places you might have buried your whole adult life. But it's worth it.

Thank you. I will look into both your recommendations. A friend of mine recommended Allen Carr's Easy way to stop smoking saying that the approach can be applied to any kind of addiction, and helped her examine all her addictive behaviour. I don't think it digs deeply but rather encourages you to change your thinking about whatever it is you are addicted to, and encourages you to stop indulging in thoughts of craving and longing, catch yourself, and turn the thinking around to the fact that you are better off. It's kind of always giving yourself a reality check when your thoughts go towards craving, and stopping those thoughts in their tracks. 

Typically beating an addiction means that you have to take a hard and painful look at yourself and why you are addicted.  Others have mentioned books that can help do that. 
Have you tried an al-anon meeting?  This is based on addiction to those with addictions, but having been myself, there are a lot of useful tools that can be incorporated and you are in a place where people have successfully practiced them.

Just an idea as there are typically many meetings available... .