BPDFamily.com

Hey,
Jus wanted to share what I'm feeling. My ex's birthday is on Thursday. I have had memories of last year come up. was a very special memory,(codependent me, trying to rescue mentally ill man with pure love, ) so in feeling it, I noticed I have had some anxiety, and sadness, about the day approaching. I was trying to view it as any other day, but it didn't really work. I told myself to just feel the feelings... they are layered, so its hard.
wanted to add, I really cared about his mom, she was so kind to me. And even though detaching was and is the only answer, I guess I need to check where I am in that process right now.
On a side note, I believe my ex is suffering from narcissistic abuse, and fog, on top of his mental illnesses. It shouldn't be a concern for me... and all I can do is continue to let go within my head on a daily basis, as he is no longer in my life. I am grateful to be in a place where I can pray for him, because I was too hurt and angry before. didn't want to lose myself in anger, but anger was an appropriate feeling based on his choices, regarding any respect to us. I will bring the focus back to me, how I can care about myself right now, get myself back, and be gentle. cause it hurts. Thanks guys, once again,for always being there.

Hi panhead67,

How are you doing?  I'm sorry to hear that you've had an occasion to face, which is very difficult on the emotions, as many on this board find.  These times seem to bring back so many memories.  I hope you are feeling less anxiety and sadness.  Do share how you are getting along.  We're here for you.

Love and light x

Hi HQ,
I've taken some steps backwards.yep, all part of the process, I guess... crying alot. I desire to keep moving forward and stop looking back.
I have to deal with seeing him Thursday and working 4 hours with him Friday. Usually, seeing him sets me back a few weeks.It brings anguish to the surface. I have had nc for a while, since he hasn't been in my location for work. His "best friend" calls for him at work, I have to answer phones, etc. She is the narc /BPD addict he is enmeshed with. Mutt told me to use wisemind when I have to see him, but not sure how exactly... .is it possible to rise above the sting of betrayal with him working right next to me? How can I handle myself with dignity and honor... I jus wish I could be cool and laid back as if this didn't rip my heart out, nonchalant  like him.
I'm waiting for the day I can give him the blank stare he gave me when he first devalued me. I wanna feel nothing towards him. Letting go, wishing him well, and wishing him away.
for self care: meditation, affirmations, reading, praying, going back to church,trying to go out a bit for coffee with friends, started playing guitar again,but mostly sitting with the pain.I'm not embracing it and am tired of this ache.that which we resist persists.

Hi panhead67,

Working around an ex has to be so very difficult.  I can imagine that it is very challenging to remain detached and professional.  Is there an awareness at work that you have this situation?  Perhaps you can enlist some support from a colleague if you're struggling.  Maybe they could step in if they see you are floundering (a signal you could give?) so that you can step away and compose yourself without it being obvious.  Others here work alongside their ex or are co parenting so hopefully you'll get somebody chime in with helpful tips if you decide to start a thread on this topic.  Good luck with tomorrow. 

 

That's a good point indeed and I'm glad to see that you're doing lots to actively support your healing.  Being with the feelings will allow them to pass so keep allowing yourself the compassion to know that it's OK to feel what you do and it doesn't need to be pushed away.  This takes time and that time is a worthwhile investment into yourself and your future well being.  Keep reading and posting.  Have you worked through the lessons to the right?  They have helped me a lot in assessing where I'm at and going easy on myself.  It's a marathon not a sprint.  We'll all get to the finish at our own pace.

Love and light x