BPDFamily.com

So frustrated. I had resisted the urge to remain NC and was so proud of myself. Finally enough email had piled up above hers to where I didnt even see it anymore when I did check my email. I havent deleted the emails just in case I need them for any reason later on as far as us still separating things that havent been separated yet.

Yesterday, she emails me with:

I'm not going to keep emailing you when we need to talk so you need to unblock me. I sent you pics of 2 pieces of mail you got and probably want so its in your best interest.

I cant imagine what mail I received but I did get into a car accident over MDW so I was concerned it may be from insurance.  I emailed back asking her what it seemed to be. Asked that she just email the pictures instead... .same process as texting them so what is the problem.  She claims that "it is more of a hassle for her"  -- How? -- she didnt respond so I emailed her once again stating I would not be unblocking her so if thats why she wasnt responding, it wasnt going to work.

To this I receive a simple response: You are a ridiculous person.

I told her she could just as easily email me the pictures. She claimed "that is more of a hassle for her"  -- again, it's the same exact process to text them as it is to email them so where is the additional hassle? Mixed in with:
 
"Blocked or unblocked, youre the last person I want to be in contact with so
 I could care less. Trust what I will not contact unless its pertinent. As I said before youre the last person I want to hear from or need to reach out to. So no worries."

In the end, no pictures, no idea what this mail is that leads to it "being in my best interest" to unblock her.  I'm left with nothing but feeling stupid for even responding and extremely frustrated on how rude it all was.  You claim I'm the last person, then why not just email and be done with it! Why do you need to be unblocked?  It all just feels so hypocritical.

It is exhausting!

Hi NewLifeNow,


It sounds like something my exuBPDw would say   :) It sounds to me like she's trying to get your attention, keep in mind that there are only two things that we can control, our thoughts and feelings, we can't control someone else. I'd ask myself what are my boundaries? We can't set the boundaries on someone else, we set them on ourselves, if she does X then I do Y.

A boundary for me would look something like this. I'm judging by what you shared with us here, that mail from the insurance company is the only thing that you can think of that is important? I'd disengage from your ex, don't answer her regarding this issue and get in touch with your insurance company ask them if they posted something. Bypass her and go directly to the source.

Hey NLN, It seems like your Ex is relishing the opportunity to give you a few parting shots.  My suggestion: don't engage, as Mutt suggests.  Why can't she just forward your mail to you?  Doesn't seem like it needs to be so dramatic.  LJ

Honestly, I dont get mail that I'd consider important. Anything important is electronic these days. I can acknowledge that this is more than likely just her reaching out to see if I would respond since I had not reached out at all.  The fact that I took the bait is whats got me feeling so stupid.

I should have known better than to respond. I guess in the moment I was worried it actually WAS something important.  I take what she says about "me being the last person she wants to speak to" to heart -- even though I can also acknowledge that most of us have heard those words while seeing different actions.

Maybe I need to stop listening to the words and instead focus on the actions. In retrospect, it more than likely was nothing more than casting her fishing pole. Anything insurance has mailed, they usually follow up via email.

I need to stop taking the bait.  Just feeling like a real jerk for taking the bait.

Hi NewLifeNow,


It's all part of the process, we learn from mistakes, it takes time to make changes, there's a lot of tweaks that we make along the way. I've made the same mistakes too, taking the bait  :) It took a long time to change with how interact with my exuBPDw in a way that I feel comfortable with, I'm not walking on eggshells or feeling emotionally distressed. Keep working at it!  |iiii