BPDFamily.com

Hi! I'm new to this board, coming from the detached board . I am the adult child of a Borderline/ NPD uBPD mother and deceased narcissistic father. My father was not NPD but did have strong narc features with co dependency ... he was the enabler of her crazyness, and left my sister and I with her, as he was a workaholic to get away from her. I have struggled my entire life to overcome the scars my mother inflicted on me as a child, thru teen and continued on thru adulthood.

I have confronted her, on many occasions to which she of course turned the tables never being responsible for anything. At 9 years old, she started telling me I was worthless, I would never amt to anything, and end up having a house full of kids. I guess showed  her... I never had any.
She is old now, compounded with being a hoarder, ( burned one house down) and alone. I have tried to love from afar, but find it so hard... never have really healed from the damage. She chose me to live thru... and I was basically given over to her by my father... .Has anyone else struggled, and found peace? I feel my life has been ruined ... She's a taker... an emotional vampire, and draining to be her in presence.  Has anyone else experienced this depth of abuse, and have you found any peace? If so how? Thank you for your input...

Welcome Aldactone!

Thank you for joining us and reaching out to share some of your story with us. You have come to the right place, a journey to recovery from the childhood abuse you and so many of the rest of us here have faced. 


Sometimes as I began my journey to recovery from my uBPDm, it felt like I was in a black hole that kept expanding and becoming ever larger. I often wondered if I would ever reach healing and wholeness. As I began to settle with the recognition that this is a process of recovery to healing, then I began to settle into a much more comfortable place of letting the whole process work in it's own time. I no longer view an 'end all' place of achievement, but a continual growing and healing, and also of helping others. It has become very rewarding, this journey. I have a wonderful T who is helping me as well.

There is great hope for you, and I for one want to encourage you to take it literally one step, one memory, one new revelation and eye opening moment at a time. Each one will build upon the previous one, and you will go forward, even though many days you may feel as if you go forward one step and back three. The direction and pursuit in your heart is straightforward, that you wish to heal and be well emotionally. Have patience with yourself and be kind to you.

What steps are you taking right now to help you on this journey, besides posting here with us?


Wools

Thank you Wool, you are so kind. You have no idea how much I appreciate your gentle words. I am in T. and lo contact with my Mother. It works best for me that way. I have read daughters oh borderlines, the narcissistic family, and several books on healing as an adult child. I wish it didn't affect so much... but I'm ironically an empath to boot! This made me sensitive, I realize and maybe harder to heal.
I'm going to keep working steady... at it... Thank you again... u made my day

Hi Aldactone,

Welcome to the board!   

I'm also an adult child of an uBPD/NPD mother and uNPD/enabling father. He believed her lies, though, and believed we caused her to act that way. I've also struggled my entire life to overcome the emotional scars.


I commend you for your tremendous bravery in confronting her. But part of the disorder of BPD is that they never take responsibility for anything and always turn the tables.

This pained me because I was told the same exact thing. I often overheard her saying it, too. Words sting.
But you must know that they are words said by a person with a mental illness. They were not words of truth. They are lies. Every time you have the self awareness that those words are back in your head, tell yourself they are lies put there by a mentally ill woman.


I've never heard of someone with BPD being a hoarder but actually it makes a lot of sense. If pwBPD lack a "self" and have a profound state of "emptiness" and lack of identity, then it does make sense that some would turn to hoarding to try to fill up the void. It's very sad. But not your job to fix.

Most pwBPD are emotional vampires. It's like their drug is our energy and our souls. If you find it's draining to be in her presence, then perhaps setting a time limit for each get together or phone call would be helpful.

I've struggled a lot and am slowly finding peace. It's a process. Going very low contact helped, but then old feelings come back when I am in contact. Please don't think of your life as ruined. We always have a new chance every new day to tell ourselves that we can overcome this. This website offers not just a message board, but a lot of excellent tools, links, and resources to help us heal.

Hugs