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we all have an inner critic, and most of us have more than one. for example, when it comes to morality or values, i hear a different inner critic than the one that critiques whatever i may be working on.

ive never thought about this myself until recently, but when you listen to your inner critic, is it a male or female, and why do you think that is?

Hi OR,

In the past I believed that my inner critic was myself, however over the years I've come to realise that it has many voices as these negative or unhelpful thought processes come directly from influences throughout my life.  Particularly those I experienced at a young age.  So I am really hearing my perceptions as a child of the thoughts and opinions of my parents, for example.  Other critical statements or negative behaviours that have been directed towards me during my lifetime which have stuck with me (notice how easily the compliments slide off) are really driving some of the self criticism too.  

So, I'd say regards my own self esteem, particularly around physical appearance is male and around capability is female.  Good topic.

Love and light x

Hi All

Mine is the opposite of this; Appearance - Female and capability - male.

My Mother had some sort of eating disorder, undiagnosed, and I certainly have body image problems even though I am frequently told I have a nice body.  This plays out in the bedroom with discomfort with physical intimacy.

My Father thought he was a perfectionist and was very rough on all his kids.  I frequently approach a task as being under-equipped and hence, find myself working harder than to prove I can do it.  In some ways, this is good because I am self-conscious and do a good job but on the flip side, I undermine my own belief in my self and have probably come across as being too focused or serious. 

Insightful questions

Most people I know who have a vicious inner critic come to realize that it speaks with the voice of a specific person (or perhaps people), like their mother, father, ex, who was abusive.

Curiously, mine doesn't seem to be verbal, and seems to result more in wordless feelings of shame about various things.

And, perhaps, unsurprisingly, the things which seem to bring it up are issues that I was criticized by my mother, or my stbexwife for in most cases. So I guess I still resemble that!

GK - That was funny. And also potentially has a deep truth to it that i never considered; do we pick partners that are similar in their critiques as our parents were of us as children?

My ex has many similar traits as my Mother but her criticism of me reminded me a lot of my Fathers perfectionistic attitude.  In hindsight, I now see those criticisms as constructed walls to keep doubt and fear at bay.  As any child would, I defaulted that my Father was always right and tried desperately to figure out what he knew, that I did not, so I could please him - ditto with my ex. 

I had never previously looked at it from that perspective.  My focus has always been on the similarities between ex and Mother.  But I suppose both parents were at work in the marriage. 

thanks for sharing all. when i asked this question, i did so because i dont think i know the answer. ive tried to be more attentive about it since i posted, and i still dont.


this makes a lot of sense to me, as does this:


i guess what im taking from this is that for me its not necessarily an either/or. i suspect if i think about it, i hear specific people in specific situations. probably both people who have rejected me, or embarrassed me in some way, and people i look up to. there is obviously such thing as a constructive inner critic, and i feel like i have a good trust relationship with that one.

but im also realizing that the same voice/thoughts i hear when im impatient with others sounds a lot like the one i commonly hear as it applies to me. so maybe its some version of "me".