BPDFamily.com

It's a holiday weekend here in the U.S. That means our pwBPD could be triggered a little easier than usual.

About 2 weeks ago I beautifully, successfully, and validatingly negotiated the holiday weekend with my H. It was pure magic the way things went. Lots of validation, giving him options, letting him know what events were important to me, and let him know what I would be willing to give up. He felt like he won because I gave up family lunch on the actual 4th. I suggested the two of us watching fireworks on Tuesday evening together, which showed that him that I was considering him.

So then Monday my mom texts me and tells me we can't bring our dog. All our plans just went out the window because we can't leave our dog at home by himself and it's too late to get him into boarding. I was pretty upset and my H was mad and said we wouldn't be going. He caught me crying about it. My mom has a way of making me feel really rejected, especially because I know my sister will have her dog with her. He actually comforted me when he caught me crying. Over the next few days he suggested that he would just stay home. I was super excited about this because 1) he came up with the idea himself instead of me having to fight for it and 2) that means I can be relaxed around family.   Of course I validated and let him know I disappointed that he couldn't make it, but thanked him for coming up with the idea. Reinforced us doing something when I get home. ANd even offered to give up church on Sunday morning so we can have some time together before I left.

So things seem to be going well for now. Proud of myself for the negotiating on plans and even more proud of him for suggesting that I go alone. I hope when I get home they remain that way. What are your plans for the holiday? What have you done to help relieve the stress of the holiday?

You have reasons to be proud, how did that end?

Do you think part of our motivation for fighting for these relationships is how good it feels when something goes right, after fearing everything could go wrong? How we can value our wins, because we really fought for them?

Thanks for sharing that!

100% this!

Thank you for sharing this Tattered Heart.

How does one sister get to bring a dog and the other doesn't? 

What was your mom's answer for this?

FF

My sister's dog weighs like 20 lbs. My dog weighs 90.

My sister knew I was hurt by my mom's request and when we had a moment alone, she told me that mom wanted to work things out for me to bring my dog but my stepdad was worried that my dog would accidentally hurt their chihuahua.