BPDFamily.com

Hello All,

Just wondering what everyone's thoughts on this are. I have been broken up with my ex GF for approx. 1 year and 8 months now. At the start of the break up the rage and anger within me propelled me and encouraged me to keep it as low contact as possible and try moving on. At that stage in a weird way I split her as black after the 3rd recycle, so shocked that she had yet again failed to uphold any of her promises.

This time around I even wrote everything nasty she did to me for reference when "feeling weak". So I went through the motions and tried to carry on living whilst getting bombarded with thousands of calls and texts. However, loneliness kicked in, a lack of being able to move on and also not being able to find a suitable suitor has eventually brought me back to my knees.

I feel almost like I got relationship amnesia? I know she will ruin me and tear me to shreds but I am seriously struggling to live through the nasty things she did and all I can now remember is the good parts. I haven't helped my cause by recently regularly meeting up with her and it has been AMAZING, however, my logical mind keeps telling me, if you take this person back and officiate this relationship, the other shoe will definitely drop.

I don't know how to break this cycle, its KILLING ME please help with some ideas, advice, or personal experiences. Has anyone actually ever managed a successful recycle?

Definitely guilt of being part of the cycle. Currently stuck in one myself. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. When away from the chaos and misery, I tend to romanticize the good parts and forget how terrible things can be. We've had some successful separations that have made things healthier and also gone back to square one several times.

There have been times where it got better after some distance and then gotten back together. Setting boundaries definitely helps and learning what kinda things trigger BPD moments. A lot of advice from others on this forum and resources on dealing with the mania has severely helped. For my situation my p/wBPD needs to be in therapy for this to work. I don't know about your ex, but there needs to be something to regulate them. Often times it is us that emotionally regulate hence why we end up being on the receiving end of a lot of their emotional outbursts. The success stories section on the forum is also really helpful. It's easy to feel discouraged.

A couple things that have been helping me during the times I need to distance myself, like yourself I wrote down a lot of things when it was bad. I even wrote a few letters to myself. I had my friend read the letter back to me several times to just remind myself how unhappy I was. It's easy to forget. Also tried recording the worst of moments, taking pictures of broken glass and blood on my floor, screen shot the threatening texts. As much as I love my p/wBPD he has the potential to be incredibly dangerous to himself and to me. The easiest way to keep myself from getting back into things is reminding myself how angry, hurt and miserable I was and then completely cutting out contact. My issue, we live in same apartment building. So it's hard to keep things completely separate. But for the time I did, I was able to feel more like myself.

You will have to make a clear decision. But I know, so much easier said than done. Our rational minds tell us to get away from danger and stress but we love them so it's hard to stay away. Wishing you strength. If you find any success please share

U know reading through all this stuff sometimes I wonder don't we all just deserve to be with a healthy individual?

I mean why do we do this to ourselves!

If you're regularly meeting,  why not post to improving,  get support there and digest the lessons there? What do you want here?