BPDFamily.com

Just thought everyone would like to hear an update. Divorce and custody court was supposed to be June 29th and 30th. The week prior our sons SD11 bio dads attorney( got that?) contacted the judge stating something I had been saying for 6 months... ."hey, I dont think we can have a trial when there are 3 open DHS allegations against mr ______. (our son)" So divorce and custody has been put off until Oct. it's actually kind of funny, DHS didn't want our son to get a custody Evaluator because they felt by him doing so would prolong things and she would make more false allegations against our son. . Haha... .oh DHS... .you are your own worse enemy. Another funny thing... .this throws a monkey wrench into his uBPDW summer plans to get remarried for the 4th time in August. Yep, she only 34 and has been with our son for 10 years.

Then our son gets a text 2 days after she finds out court is cancelled and says she has signed up s6 for baseball…but before you say “Yay” that’s great! let me explain.  There is a no contact order with our son and his SD 11. He isn’t allowed to be anywhere near her…... so there is the first problem.  W signed him up without asking  our son, practice is EVERY Monday and Wed. AND games on SAT…... so she probably thought….If I cant leave the state….now you can’t leave town to go to Visit your parents. So she signed their S, and his wife says “If you don’t want to take him to practice I can pick him up from your house and take him on the days you have him…... our son says, No…I will take him but I don’t want contact with you and I can't be around SD.  So she says, well that's going to be difficult,  as I am the assistant coach!  Just gets better and better. Our son calls his attorney and she says if SD is there you have to leave, this might be a deal where they will try and get you to talk to SD and then call the police, so you have to bring a witness with you to every game and practice.  Ugh.

Our son had warned DHS months ago, that once she realized DHS wasn’t going to give her what she wanted (meaning Their S away from his dad) she would try to have more contact with our son so she could start filing police reports (you cant file police reports if you don’t have a relationship, or contact.     

 So last week I get a call at 7:30  at night from CASA for our SGD11.  Didn't know she even had one. To say I was shocked is an understatement.  I actually started to hyperventilate, she said she could call back and I said, "oh no, you are the first person to ever call me".  So she spoke to me for 1 hour and 55 min.  Asked a lot of questions about our sons anger and temper which I had to say " you know, he is so laid back, to a fault... .in fact he is too nice, giving, caring is an excellent father and was busy feeding the monster who is his W.  The CaSA gal was very interested in the time line of when they met, when our son was in the military, when he workered overseas for a private contractor. When he proposed. Etc. she kept telling me that this isn't the story she has heard from his W or SD. I said it sounds like you believed her, she said she did... .she said they were both very convincing with being very afraid of our son. I felt really great about our conversation. Two days later she went to our sons house and spent almost 2 hours there. That also went well. My favorite part was when she said "so I hear your wife supported you through college". Our son said, no she didn't work, I'm a veteran, my college is paid for.  This CASA lady was flabbergasted at how many lies she had been told in a few weeks.

I'm glad at last another professional got the hint that what seemed the truth was far from the truth.  All she had was claims and allegations.  I'm sure, finally, your son will be able to provide documentation to deflate enough of her claims, allegations and stories to weaken her credibility.

Be aware they will not be inclined to roast her, divorce courts often ignore the conflict expecting it to fade away over time.  However, her sort of conflict won't fade away so the task to to convince the court of that reality.

I had a similar problem with my ex, though it wasn't quite as bad as your son's experiences.  After our separation my then-spouse started taking our son to the local quasi-county child therapy agency.  She was of course seeking negative advocates.  We had a couple temp orders giving her temp custody and majority time as well.  She never told me about her actions.  I found out only when insurance mailed me the three month re-certification notice.  Well, I asked for a meeting, they did listen to me, but shared nothing and said if I wanted to know more then to write a letter for information.  I did.  I got back a form denial letter stating I was likely to be a danger to their patient or others and denied my request.  (Yet I had unrestricted alternate weekends with him at the time.  Go figure.)  In court I told the magistrate.  He stated I had statutory rights to my son's records and asked me to try again.  I did and received a photocopy of the prior denial.  Next time in court I presented the issue again.  Magistrate got my then-stbEx to agree to sign any paperwork required to get access.  I tried again and failed again.  I told my lawyer to file a motion specifying access.  This was 3rd time to court.  Lawyer said they were chuckling about the situation, Court was supposed to protect the agency yet here the court was to force the agency to disclose their records.  My lawyer warned me that most of it would be blacked out.  I got it, delivered it to the agency and in two days I had over 200 photocopied pages, nothing blacked out.  Strangely, my initial letter to them and my requests for access and their denials were not among the records they gave me.  I've always figured they didn't want a lawsuit.  The re-cert letter was in Feb 2006, court order to get records was in Apr 2007.  It took over a year.

Thanks for responding ForeverDad, I always look forward to hearing from you. You have been through a lot and have come out the other side of it.   .