BPDFamily.com

Hey everyone, Happy 4th if you're in America. Just wanted to know from some different points of view, how long the discard has lasted for some of you. Some say months, to years, indefinitely. It's been four months since we talked (pwBPD) and there has been no attempt. I've really reinvented myself during those months. Counseling, new job, have more money than I know what to do with and working out a lot. But, I do miss her deeply. I love that woman so much.
I know I'm painted black and blocked on everything. I know she's not in a relationship but may have gone out on a few dates. Could any of you tell me how long the discard phase lasted for you? Thanks everyone, have a good one.

I'll be looking forward to other's answers. It's only been a month for me. Zero communication. She blocked me also. I was always warm, kind, loving, friendly, ... .towards her. At the end, she accused me of being too into her. Of smothering her. That was my likely my reaction to her pulling away from me without any rhyme or reason - I didn't know she was an uBPD at that time- at the discard stage). I have no idea if I'll ever hear from her. It's not an easy thing to go through.

Hey Notoverher, I'm sorry to hear about you going through your situation. It absolutely sucks. Like you, I had no idea she had BPD, nor did her family. She was diagnosed after our break up of three years. In retrospect I now noticed a lot of behavior like hating pretty much all my friends or even certain members of my family. I pray everything turns around for you friend.

In my case the episodes of discard lasted anywhere from 2 days to 2 months... .But generally it's around 2 weeks... .every 2-3 months.
I did question him about it when he was in a good mood and the explanation was that there comes time when he just cannot cope with his feelings, so he totally shuts down from feeling anything towards everything and admitted that generally it's not much to do with me.

It seems my discarding has been as little as 4 months, to 3 months... the first 6 yrs. never saw it coming... I know one episode occurred then in our beginning of our relationship... 4 months. I didn't see the sign clearly... last episode was 3 months...

I'm currently at 30 days silent treatment.  Don't like it... but I know what it is, and do my own thing... it sucks really sucks... but I don't cry like I did the last time.

It seems it comes as...
Unknown trigger
Makes contact with another human
Plan, plots, deceive, lies,
Then emotional cold shoulder
The leaving travels upward of 1800 miles away ( vacation, visiting freinds ) <her story to world
I get a text that never contact her, projections of her own doing, I'm so happy etc... .ad nauseum--The silent treatment -and placed into black, blocked, deleted, and unfollowed...

Passive aggressive attacks-- Facebook, social media posts, stalking. Anger lots of anger. She deletes freinds anyone whom won't agree with her...
This occurs for most of duration.

.try's for circular arguments... (have been none this time)
She then will make charming  attempts, about once a week. ( not happened yet)
Then she begins to add freinds back (not happened yet)
Then at some point a flip from black to white... (not happened yet)

Then reset...

1.5 months here (6 weeks of "NC", and/or discard).

My SO is special though, I have to check-in daily as usual, even if she wouldn't reply. Or (quote mrs. Gumiho) "my heart moved veeery far away from you"

Those periods started with a couple hours in begin, but exponentially grew. (guess I grew closer... yey )

2 months.

Abruptly asked for space two months ago when I returned from a 3 week trip. She has initiated no contact with me at all even though she did meet with me twice to listen to me. Both times ended in her saying we were "taking space." I think she was overlapping with someone else, but have no proof. That's the brutality of it all: you get no answers.