BPDFamily.com

hi all I wondered if anyone could offer advice? I posted a thread on here a while back with my whole story and basically my BP gf left me and got with someone else straight away 6 months ago. I have had very limited contact since and haven't risen to the numerous games she has been playing. Unfortunately we work for the same company and so there is that possibility of having to work together. She has barely worked since we split and then she worked while I was off last week and spoke to some colleagues asking if I ever ask about her and they all said I never ask about her anymore. Cutting to the chase she text me after saying she'd heard I never ask about her anymore and then wanted to know if I'm seeing anyone, then said jokingly she would scare off any new girl that may come along at work. Obviously this has annoyingly got her back in my head again... Anyone got any opinions or advice on this? What is she thinking etc... .

Hey stuck118, Before offering any advice, I need to understand what your goal is.  Are you hoping for a recycle, or are you trying to detach?  I can't tell from you post.  Many of us, including me, have done both.  Do you have any particular questions?  Presumably you have taken some steps to move forward after breaking up six months ago.  If so, what steps have you taken?  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim

i think its reasonable to conclude that shes fishing for info a bit, and that her joke was inappropriate.

you know her best. do you think shed act on it, escalate?

May want to consider talking to HR.  She may not be joking.

 |--->She missed you because things with the new guy went South as they always do and now she's feeling alone.
 |--->The fact that your friends say you don't ask about her increased your value in her eyes triggering her to want you to want her back (the BPD never wants you back they want you to want THEM back).
 |--->She wants a recycle initiated by you so she minimizes power loss, but it will end the same if not worse than before.
The End.

I guess I am  nievely hoping she has grown up enough to stop playing games really and see if things can work, but then I concerned that she may just be attempting to get on good terms with me just so things will be easier for her at work.

She has said other things to me like commenting on the fact she never got to try this dish I used to make and leave the message open like this... .

Then she also said "I miss you and your company but not in a way that makes me a bad person" which actually made me laugh as a quote. is it a common BPD trait to never accept any blame or responsibility for Anything?

my current progression through this has through removing her number and all social media and having no contact which gave me  some power back over the situation. She has repeatedly added me as a friend on Facebook since and I have not accepted.

What do you guys think?

And thanks to you all for your advice and opinions on it its really nice and helpful

Love this! I know this is what my BPDex has done in the past. Entices me and makes me pursue. Enters reluctantly. Then tries to make it look like my idea when it is time to run away again. Like he was an unwilling participant in the recycle that he actually initiated.

Got this as well... .she is always "dangling" herself out there, looking for some sort of interaction.

Once was told I "put pressure on her" to get back with me. Such BS as I did the total opposite, accepted it was over, then she called me and stayed at mine, then I gave her space but was "available" as she had complained about not being available when she cheated on me. You can never win.

She later tried to recycle me after I helped her when her grandparents died and the following week said "I don't know what you want from this relationship". Answer: "nothing, you needed help, I helped you and I am now happy to give each other space again", at which point she quickly interrupted and told me she didn't want to get back together again. Shrugged shoulders and got up and left.

Now I just get emails (weekly) asking for a coffee, inevitably followed by an angry or dismissive email to push me away again.

I have now blocked her on SM and hopefully she'll give up when she doesn't get replies.

Going back to the original question... .I also get lots of indirect questions about what I am doing which are clearly aimed at finding out if I am seeing anyone. There is no upside in her finding out I am seeing someone, so I usually fob it off. It's all part of her wanting to keep the connection open, which can only happen if you're available (in her mind, as I would never go back having seen her from a distance).

Hi stuck118,


Simplest way for me to reply to this is to share with you my life motto:

ONLY FORWARD

Love and light x

Hi stuck118,

*welcome*


Are you wondering why she's missing work and if it has something to do with you?

I think she is worried how she is perceived at work but I haven't told anyone. Also she had been looking for other work and said to me the only reason she is still there is because of me