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Hi, all, I could use some support/feedback, since I am struggling to determine how to conduct myself around my ex. We work at the same place. I don't have to work with her much, but I do have to bump into her a few times a week.
Coming out of the experience and trying to learn from it, I've definitely come to learn that I have poor boundaries and also a low priority maintaining self-respect in relationships. Nowadays, these are much higher as my priority, but I also still value compassion and kindness.
Months ago, I reached out to my ex about staying friends. She replied that she didn't want to see much of or speak much to anyone she had been in a relationship with. Then I ended up getting my old job back and having to bump into her. I felt determined to respect her boundaries and also wanted to feel solid about my own. The thing is, I typically try to just ignore her. I don't want to be rude, but avoiding/ignoring seems like the simplest way to achieve maintaining the boundaries I mentioned. But she often goes out of her way to say hello or ask me how I'm doing. Deep inside I want to talk to her, and I want to know how she is doing and ask her polite questions, but I still feel hurt by some of her behavior and things she said, so I protect myself by not making much eye contact and by simply saying "hey", then getting back to work. Like I said, it's really important for me now to maintain my self-respect.
It's a struggle because I feel like I am being cold. Help me understand boundaries, since they are not my forte. Is my approach at all effective? Is it immature? Am I protecting myself well, or is there another way to go about it and be more polite?
I guess it is a specific situation, but I am trying to learn in general how to be effective about boundaries.  Thanks!

Hi vanx,

This is a good topic and has me thinking.  I'm fortunate enough that I don't have to work around my ex, however if I was, how would I tackle this?  It's a good question.  After all, we all tend to be caretaker types and therefore it feels unnatural to come across in our own perception as cold or uninterested.  However, it's important to remember that this is only one way of looking at it.  Your kind, caring nature is screaming out that this isn't right I would imagine, yet in reality you're not entirely ignoring her or being rude, simply keeping it down to the bare minimum and being professional.  Sounds to me like you're handling things pretty well.  How long have you had this situation and what has her reaction been?  Any backlash?

Love and light x

Thank you for your reply and your support. I guess I had overlooked the caretaker aspect, but I do see what you mean. It helps balance the perspective. There hasn't been any backlash and it actually has gone well in a way. I guess I just needed a little backup. Thanks!